I must be insane, because I do the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

this fuckin swing

it goes back and forth

it mocks me with its

symbolism of innocence.

I am not innocent.

The metal screech

of the forwards motion

echoes the terrified

screams of my insides

when I try to give of myself

and let people in.

when I get scared

I swing back

and dig my feet in dirt.

Sometimes I get tired

I get tired of trying

The second-

the fuckin second

I leave myself vulnerable

You take a shit

on my insecurities.

There is nothing more

scary than letting new

people in your life.

Judging you.

Your name comes

out of their mouth

like word vomit

and leaves the chunks

on your reputation.

I care.

I fuckin care.

I fuckin cared about you.

Hate comes from

misunderstandings

so I figured,

if you understood

where I came from

how deeply I feel

and the things that

make me tick

we could learn to mesh.

Instead,

it made me hate you.

And myself.

Fuck me for

trying to be

a human being.

I might try again-

I might cut open

the same naive wound-

but I’ll never compromise

my honesty

for your fuckin comfort.