When in public, I often try my hardest to avoid conversation. I go as far as to stare at my shoes in hopes that I will never make awkward eye-contact with anyone. I will hide under my mess of hair or in a pair of headphones that will blare sad music in my ears.
My social sadness seems to be terminal now. It is inescapable. It is a giant pile of rocks weighing on my shoulders that reminds me how awful I am. The rocks hit me in the head, I am a failure of a human. I can’t even stand to raise my voice loud enough to tell a barista she got my order wrong, or to ask for help in grocery store. These rocks remind me I am so far gone, too abnormal.
The reason I still go out every so often to sit in a café is unknown to me. One would think I would have given up by now. However, despite it all, despite the boulders, I force myself out into the world. I swim through the sea of city noise for a few blocks, until I reach the destination which seems to be the only thing pulling me away from my sanctuary of solitude.
I order my usual simple latte, even when said quietly its difficult to mess up. I grab the little green cup and sit a an empty table. The place is buzzing with college life. Students everywhere groaning about exams and homework assignments. It is funny to see everyone like this. It is so easy to get these kinds of things done early when you have nothing else to do.
I glance down at my phone, watching some sort of puppy video on Instagram. I smirk lightly to myself before looking up. A girl stands before me, her hand gently grazing the back of the chair across from me on the table. She has a sunny smile on her face that lights up her glistening green eyes. She greets me with a hello and a wave, asking if she can sit with me.
For a moment I am taken aback, why would anyone want to sit with me? I give her a vague gesture and she sits, slumping dramatically in the chair. She takes off the dark jacket to reveal a bright emerald colored sweater, it matches her eyes perfectly.
“Today is so nice,” she says, brushing her sunshine hair off her shoulder. I take notice of the freckles speckled across her nose, and the way she smiles even when she talks.
“Its raining,” I reply, my voice soft as ever.
“Exactly! Extraordinary isn’t it?” she laughs as she stares out the window at the dark grey sky.
“I suppose it is,” I smile too. There is something abut the way those emerald green eyes crinkle that makes me feel all warm.
She goes on to talk about everything, starting with the weather then telling me about her family and her favorite season. She talks about food, then travels then classes. I listen mostly, enjoying every single word. I try to absorb every little detail. She uses her hands when she speaks, and wiggles in her seat when she talks of something exciting.
Never has green been to intriguing.