not

where are you now?

it's been years since I first

lost myself

in those headlights: how they seemed

to flash and stop and disappear

all at once. not a car, I decided,

but your eyes: how they seemed to glow,

how light seemed to favor only

you.

who are you looking for?

it's been years since we first

stood at that window, facing not each other

but concrete and the blue sky.

you spoke of escape as if

it was never within your grasp,

but remember, you didn't have to

stay.

why didn't you wait for me?

so many times. running. walking so fast

just to catch up with you,

and for what? it was like

chasing down a taxi

I had no money for. you

were too good for me. and too

far.

what is it you felt for me?

I could never find the answer.

not hate, I knew,

you smiled first, and waved,

and made me believe I meant something

to you, or to the world, if not

to myself.

not love, I knew

and left that light

that had, for some time,

touched me also.