crushing

they always say we’re friends

friends, before anything else

they always lie

sometimes it’s slow, subtle

others it’s quick, obvious flirtation

sometimes they become bitter

trying to turn me into a lesser version of myself

to appease their broken egos

“she’s smarter than you”

“i’m stronger than you”

“she can sing better than you”

“she is prettier than you”

until they twist my essence into something timid; something afraid of the world

others, they ignore me, I didn’t happen

couldn’t be possible

after all, who am I?

I shouldn’t matter to them, so suddenly I don’t

because if I’m not interested, I’m not worth being friends with

I just don’t have enough value as a person

each one, they claw and scratch at me

verbally, mentally, tearing me apart

slowly but surely making me aware

of how little I am worth

after all, if I just want a friend that’s too bad

I’m just a pretty face