Messages

What do I say?

My mind is in a fog.

My eyes are puffy

from the tears that

have drenched my pillow.

My muscles ache for sleep

that will not come.

I pick up the phone

and with shaky hands

punch the numbers.

Your number.

My heart is pounding

in my ears

as I listen

to the long drawn-out,

Riiiing

Riiiing

Riiiing

In this moment

I can only wonder

where I went wrong

when I hear the recording

tell me the voicemail box is full.

So this is it.

No more messages.

I wonder where you are.

I wonder what you’re doing.

I wonder who you’re with.

I wonder if you are smiling right now

with another lover.

Or if you are like me,

alone with puffy eyes.

Self-destructive

and shattering to pieces,

begging for something to knock you out.

-Jo Resner 8/31/18