She

She only wanted to matter.

She didn’t tell anyone about what was going on inside.

She was the one who was always there.

Always happy.

So she flirted with the boys.

She gossiped with the girls.

“Lol”s and “haha”s taking over her life.

She had to be happy, she had to be funny, for them to accept her.

But inside she was festering.

She was boiling, bubbling, burning away.

She was dangling off a cliff.

And more and more weights were being tied to her ankles.

Her arms were getting awfully tired.

Nobody could see her

they couldn’t see her grip failing and Her mind evaporating

she scratched and scarred

Trying to make it all go away

the taunts from friends

the insults from parents

The screams and looks of anger

the times she wasn’t good enough,

telling herself that she was Overreacting that other people had it worse that she wasn’t actually diseased all people felt this way why can’t you just be normal for once and actually have some cool friends what’s wrong with you just let it be you moron

clinging on for dear life she told her mother the tip of the iceberg, dipping her feet in the kiddie pool

“I’ve been getting really bad flashes of anxiety.”

“I think that really bad stomachache that had me up for hours was pure anxiety.”

but her mother didn’t know what to do

asked “Are you ok?”

such an easy question to lie to

“I’m offended you asked! Of course I’m fine.”

her mother couldn’t tell if it was a problem

she let it go

not believing that her baby could have something wrong with her

but the girl could not let go so easily

so she lied to be the easy child

not wanting to burden others not wanting to be weak

not letting others go what she went through

she couldnt breathe she couldnt move and she remembered every mistake she made and the walls were closing in and her stomach was turning and she couldnt handle this but she had to act like everything was fine

but it wasnt

she cried herself to sleep some nights

some nights tears refused to come

some nights she didnt sleep

others were filled with self loathing

the worst were the nights that doubt ate away

until she could take it no more

she wrote out farewells

sorry for the pain she knew she would cause

because she knew thats all she was good for

she only wanted to matter