Hereditary

I'm scared you're who I'll be

That one day my green eyes

Will hold so much hatred in them

As yours do, unloving as ice

Every time I raise my voice

I hear the echoes of your shouts

Relive the venom and darkness

I've never known you without

Will I have any choice in the matter-

Will I be able to pick my truth

Or is it embedded in my DNA

That I will become just like you?

Nature or nuture or not

I worry I might have no choice

I lay awake replaying my words

Hearing them in your voice

I can't let anyone love me

If they do they'll be in the blast zone

When I errupt or snap like you

It won't hurt anyone if I'm alone

The fear bleeds over into my dreams

Nightmares of people leaving me

Ever since the time Mom left you

Fever dreams you'll what I'll be

When people say I take after you

I feel like I'm under attack

As if I'm too far gone already

Lost in the dark with no way back

You're in the mirror every morning

False smile and dark wavy hair

And though I laugh and say I'm fine

I know this fear will always be there