Transubstantiation

I let you take up space in my head for far too long but I'm not sure I'm ready to evict you. Just the thought of dragging out those boxes means giving up and going forward, leaving your dusty ass behind to do...well, whatever it is you do as I've hardened myself to that phrase

It's really moving forward

I gave in, good girl too soon, too often, and yet not enough. I let an unguarded me go against a fully guarded you, all done up in shining armor, really a tinfoil fool whose actions and words and gestures were grand, whose acts were badass, whose look is carefully prescribed, painstakingly distressed, handwritten calligraphy vulnerabilities, shared as proffered rare gift when the value was prescribed to be none, a blue book value of one.

It's really just accounting

I undervalued myself and overvalued you, as i am wont to do, whem i decide I am due for that invariable bad choice, that subconscious desire to make someone my next bad d decision and I do the numbers, a cost benefit analysis, and i see again that I can derive not much from you when it all came from me. You were transfigured and transposed, made into art and a mirage, beckoning promise, declaring yet another adoration but i didn't see, that transmutation.

It's really just lying to myself