I opened my eyes and closed them on my own terms & every waking felt different.
I worked in short spirals
And laughed into long, echoing weeks.
I found new ways to talk to God.
Somehow I bumped into (H)im along the dark path I had been walking and discovered that we'd become strangers,
And our brief talk brought me into a place of warmth I cannot begin to describe,
A place where sunlight fell from the trees indefinitely
And every time it fell on me.
That was the first and last time I remember being really spoken to.
Eventually, this light faded,
I lost things I never knew I had
And I found myself caught up in a circle I couldn't escape from.
When you're in a dark place, everything looks the same
And blessings can seem like nothing more than oddly shaped shadows
Dancing along the walls of my bedroom-
The monsters in my closet can crawl under my covers
And God, God can fade away entirely into the cracks in my walls
That I trace with my fingertips when my insomniac mind refuses to grant me peace.
There were days when I couldn't open my eyes in the morning.
But I did anyway.
And I'm here now
And I'm not leaving anytime soon.