2016

That summer,

I opened my eyes and closed them on my own terms & every waking felt different.

I worked in short spirals

And laughed into long, echoing weeks.

I found new ways to talk to God.

Somehow I bumped into (H)im along the dark path I had been walking and discovered that we'd become strangers,

And our brief talk brought me into a place of warmth I cannot begin to describe,

A place where sunlight fell from the trees indefinitely

And every time it fell on me.

That was the first and last time I remember being really spoken to.

Eventually, this light faded,

I lost things I never knew I had

And I found myself caught up in a circle I couldn't escape from.

When you're in a dark place, everything looks the same

And blessings can seem like nothing more than oddly shaped shadows

Dancing along the walls of my bedroom-

The monsters in my closet can crawl under my covers

And God, God can fade away entirely into the cracks in my walls

That I trace with my fingertips when my insomniac mind refuses to grant me peace.

That winter,

There were days when I couldn't open my eyes in the morning.

But I did anyway.

And I'm here now

And I'm not leaving anytime soon.