Astronaut Application

We regret to inform you that your application to be "one of those space people" has been rejected. I don't know what made you think you were qualified, when it is clear, you don't even know the name of the job you are applying for.

Your listed qualifications were good, but proof of these qualifications, was not. Keeping water in a straw by covering the top end with your finger, does not count as a sufficient knowledge of physics. The formulas you sent us are not physics formulas, but I applaud you for remembering how to calculate percent error.

We here at NASA aren't music experts, but the lethargic playing of an oboe and occasional recitation of the pledge of allegiance does not count as a mixtape in our eyes. Finally, you can keep the five dollars you sent us as a bribe. We do not want it. Please get your BAC checked.

Sincerely, NASA