sound vs. silence

car horns blaring,

people swearing, 

my own crying's

the only thing that blocks out the

insults being thrown. 

"how have you not made it yet?"

"she did it and she's ten years younger!"

"what's your excuse now?"

in the morning and at night,

my phone reminds me

of my place.

my own ears are

ringing,

just to keep up with the noise.

i wish i could feel

the sun

on my skin as i lay

far, far away from

them and their noise.

i wish the only thing

i could hear

was my own fingers

brushing softly against the

petals of wildflowers.

i've never had silence before,

but i'm sure it's very peaceful.

my own thoughts,

my own thoughts,

the only thing trapped in here with me is

my own thoughts.

thoughts that i can't say

out loud, because no one

is here to listen.

loneliness,

helplessness,

and desperation,

are all that i'm left with.

maybe even if there was noise,

my ears have stopped working 

somewhere along the way.

i wish i could listen,

to the sounds of booming

laughter,

as we talk and talk

without getting 

bored.

to wonderful beats of

new music

vibrating from our

feet into our chests.

my whole world is silent,

i'm sure sound is just exhilarating.