Self

Imposter

Fraud

Misrepresenter of self

Impersonator of who I hope to be rather than who I really am.

The honest imperfections of others are the downfall of my dishonest perfections.

Slanderer

Cheater

The facade of hard work and accomplishment a mask of my true efforts

Seeker of recognition to achieve happiness, yet true pursuit of it is lost to me

Or rather, the truth of it lost and the self-centered pursuit my sole recreation

Vicious

Selfish

Unfeeling fool

I fancied myself a bearer of wisdom, of truth, yet I had no humility

No true desire of instruction, the roots of my black heart tangled in dishonesty

Prideful despiser of true understanding, slaughtered by my greedy hands in my haste for satisfaction

Liar

Sneak

Treacherous gossip

My lips that vowed to speak no evil have poisonous slanders ever dripping from them

The untruths that have no foundation have become my habitual exercise of self.

Egotist

Charlatan

Pilferer of Innocence

The faultlessness of self that I have fabricated in my corruption and that I have imposed on them

It has no root. No basis. I am but a humble creature of little worth with high expectations and little to offer.

Realization that I am little.

That my true self is so repugnant and my true convictions so terribly destitute

This is the rawness of self

The objectionable veracity prevailing despite the comfortable fallacies

Realizations that bring this unworthy soul to its humble knees

Knowing that righteousness can never be found in me

Renewal earned by the death of self

So to myself and all my corruptions each day I choose the painful death

And my gaze humbled by my own repugnance falls upon my only salvation

And I fear, and I pray, that my gaze never falters

For with each waver, Self flickers

Great is the one who saved me from myself

Evil is my inclination, but goodness prevails, for all goodness is His

This sorry fool is made better by unearned grace

I fall to my knees each day

I lower my unworthy head and I pray

And his charity surrounds me in all of its perfection

My debt. My hate. My ungratefulness. My shame.

His death. His resurrection. His love. His grace.