She knew

She died without knowing I love her.  She had so much pain at the end, I thought it was 

selfish to tell her about my feelings as she laid there in the oncology ward, retching uncontrollably from the medicine that was to make her better.

It all started when I answered the ad for a math tutor, she was in her senior year of college and needed this class to graduate.  She answered the door, and I was struck by her smile. 

As we went on, I'd steal silent stares.  We grew close over those weeks, we became friends too.  But then she started looking like she had lost a lot of weight in those last few sessions.  She had asked me to come to the doctor with her, because she was scared.  She said she had a feeling she knew what it was.

So I went with her, all the while, taking in those long silent stares as much as I could.  I didn't say anything then because she just needed a shoulder at that time.  A hand to hold on to.  And that's what I did till the end, held her hand, somehow, I felt like she knew.