fracture

memories buzz on the tip of my tongue

but I write this to forget

the stars I saw in your eyes

now, under the ice of my gaze

they fracture

on the first day I saw you

my thoughts evaporated

and my mind became air

as your cheeks crumpled and your lips curved crookedly

into a smile you would learn to save just for me

the first time we talked

you laughed and I wanted to capture it in a bottle

as all my inhibitions abandoned all pretense and fled

and I let them.

never come back,

I called out to them as they ran and ran away.

we settled into routine

two heartbeats finding pace

skipping and speeding

too eager to let go and too afraid to settle

one day I looked at you sideways

unable to break this drunken habit

and your eyes were a different color than the day before

and the other day you said my name and those eyes were palest green

a shade of fear new to my soul

and I fought the urge to crush my lips into your ear

and whisper your worries away

the first time I touched you

all my cells blushed barely pink and

I was a cylinder of warmth

but now I shiver

and the ghosts of giddiness in my heart

fracture like the stars in your eyes

when I first met you, you were a constellation

you showed me the way home

even when I wanted to be lost

and you left the heavens and came to earth

you became my oxygen

but it hurts to inhale because with every breath I taste you

and time, time again

I fracture