Conception

It swallowed me whole in one big gulp, I hadn't ever imagined to see such horror, agony caused by a women who was supposed to shelter me from the indiscretions from the bully we call Earth. I didn't understand the loss I had just gained until the first night, the lampshade lighten room as I laid down feeling everything I had ignored for the day form into one. I had come home early that morning happy to imagine the comfort I would be receiving from my mother only to get no such feeling, instead I gain a cold form of her in my mind as I grip the slim part of her arm, informing the woman on the phone that there is nothing there, she is cold, that I cannot bare to touch her anymore. I play the thought over and over in my small mind, I see the gorgeous shade of blue I might ever have gotten the chance to see, but it is radiating off her beautiful skin and I cannot seem to look with an artistic eye at the memory. Death deserves nothing but tears, there cannot be anything found in the wake of it other than a follow up of silence and ignorant to lose handling the blue skin in their dreams, because I know that is all I could see of her for months after. How pretty she had looked, how everything had looked so normal to me, that I had not expected a thing. I had not ever regretted coming home that morning, even in my waves of ultimate sadness, hatred, everything arduous, I have not ever regretted being the last to see my loving mother, my only savior in the world I could not stand.