All right, friends! I don't have a lot of time to write these days, so instead I'd like to read... Please, dears, write me something incredibly sexy. I want it raunchy but CLASSY, steamy but not pornographic, and without the use of the words cock, cunt, clit, dick, pussy, snazz, twat, quinny, beaver, cum, skeet, jizpie hole, donut driver, potty plunger, etc., etc. So please, make my toes curl with excitement before I hand it over to my conservative yet sassy 83-year-old grandmother. I'd like to see her giggle and blush, but not scream in terror. Have fun!