Up and Down.

I had this moment of bliss.

A moment of rapture.

Took me away from the abyss,

To a paradise pasture.

Dreamed a crack in time,

Let me breathe a better day.

Imagined what I'd do,

If I had this time to play.

I pictured biking to the water,

Pictured renting a chalet,

Playing board games all morning,

Cooking something up, gourmet.

Slowly drinking rum and chatting,

Watching the afternoon away.

Then just a little molly,

A buffet of fuck and foreplay.

Then alone, out to the water,

Find some private little nook,

Watch the sun and sea, the stars,

Sketch some patterns in a book.

When all the hype was calm,

When sun had set and waters steady,

Set up an exit bag, deep breathe in,

Feeling nothing bad. Just ready.

Then I remembered everyone I loved,

And that I have to stay. 

Felt the guilt and the shame, 

Felt the unbearable pain,

Man, I got angry!

Smashed my fists into my temples,

Tried to go back to staring blankly,

Screamed so loud,

I heard the fire burn my heart,

As it pumped me into trembles,

When I acquired the kind of tired,

That comes from being so freaking wired,

I cried and told myself for fuck sakes,

Tomorrow's another day.