Look, you got the wrong message.

Two thousand years ago, I spoke to some idiot in his sleep. Well... I thought at the time he was someone with a good vocabulary, but in the end, he was just some dumb goat farmer. As soon as he woke up, he ran off and started writing this backward-ass testament. I have ABSOLUTELY no connection to any of that stuff written down. Six days? Pfft, you got to be kidding me!

So, let me set things straight, once and for all. Write THIS down if you have to:

1) Forget about knowing how you got here. You'll work that one out eventually. Just enjoy the journey.

2) Don't be cunts to one another, seriously. 

3) There ain't no afterlife, sorry. Where would I put you all? It'd get crowded in no time.

4) Wait till you meet the other lot on NGC 5272. You'll get on like a house on fire.

5) Don't pray, I'm never listening anyway. Enjoy your Sundays instead.

That'll do nicely, I think.

 Yours sincerely,

 G'man