Ewwww

I awakened to a noise. Not a usual noise. More like an...unusual noise. Something akin to hooved animals upon my roof. Being that it was Christmas Eve, I didn't immediately discount that possibility but, instead, got out of my warm bed, grabbed my Mossberg shotgun from the corner, and went to investigate the fracas. Reindeer, fine. Serial killer, not.

I tiptoed down the hallway from my bedroom to the living room and then peered around the corner to behold a naked fat man with a white beard and hair (ALL white) standing by the tree, sipping the soy milk and eating the chocolate chip cookies I had prepared (okay, I bought them) just for this possibility. Although I do admit I did not imagine that Santa would be in his birthday suit instead of his famous red and white one.

Then I realized he came down my chimney.