When mourning comes

The sound of the judges hammer coming down was like a punch to my face.

Iv been sentenced to death.

For the murders and rape of five children.

But I didn't do it.

But nothing I say can make them believe me.

I've been labeled a pedophile and as soon as fingers were pointed at someone who looked remotely like the real bad guy it was a shut case. They say thereʼs evidence but I know there canʼt be. I didnʼt do it.

I was framed.

I had to be.

But for the very literal life of me I donʼt know who would want to frame me.

As they walked me out of the courtroom I saw my wifeʼs face for the last time. She looked disgusted and horrified. Even she doesnʼt believe me. I couldnʼt take it.

I turned, going over to her quickly. She hid out six year old daughter under her arm. “Please, Lisa, I didnʼt do this. You know me. I couldnʼt have done this." I was crying. I was so desperate. She glared, her own eyes watery. "I thought I knew you. Now Iʼm not so sure." I went to grab her shoulders when the guard grabbed me, dragging me away. I cried. "I didnʼt do it! You have to believe me! I didnʼt do this! Lisa!"

But my plea fell on deaf ears as I dragged outside to the police cruiser. I tried to hide from the protesters and camera flashes. Once I was shoved into the back seat I wanted to sob. I wanted to cry and beg but I was in such shock. I could only stare at my handcuffs.

Once we got to the prison everything was taken from me.

My cloths, my phone, even my cigarettes. I was washed and given my prison orange jumpsuit and put into a cell.

Once I was alone with my thoughts, the tears started. My throat closed up and my chest constricted. I canʼt believe this is happening. Iʼm never going to see my wife and daughter again. Worse,there last thought of me is of a pedophile rapist murderer.

My death is one week from today.

I did the only thing I could.

I prayed.

I prayed so hard and so often for anything that may free me.

But he never answered me.

A week has come and gone and now as I lay on my tiny cot, they let a priest inside. I sat up, staring at him. He was older, with graying hair and a sad smile. Bible and rosary beads in hand.

"Hello my son." I swallowed down the growing lump in my throat. "Hello father." The presit sat across from me on the chair provided for him. He went to open his bible when I blurted out. "Why hasnʼt he answered me?" The priest looked up, urging me silently to go on. I spoke so fast, the tears wouldnʼt stop. I was so very terrified to die. "I've been praying day in and day out, I've been praying with all my might and my soul to be saved from here. But he hasnʼt answered. Please, I didnʼt do anything. I didnʼt kill and rape those kids." I hiccuped, taking in a few deep breaths. The priest waited til I calmed down to speak.

"Well, if you are truly innocent of this crime then perhaps you are here for a reason." "Reason?! Iʼm gonna die! My wife thinks Iʼm a child murdering rapist!" The priest nodded, not at all phased by my raised voice. "Perhaps that reason is to show the injustices that happen. If you are truly innocent of this crime you will be welcomed into heaven with open arms. Then later the killing may start again, poor children will be dead and violated and they will realize too late that they sentenced the wrong man to death. They will have that guilt on them the rest of their lives while you will be at peace."

I sucked in a breath. "I want to see my wife again. I want to see my daughter." The priest stood up. "I am sorry my son. I shall start reading you you're rites."

I closed my eyes, praying once more. Hoping for a miracle. But all I can do is mourn. Mourn for the loss of my own life. Mourn the loss of my wife and daughter that I will never see again. Mourn my job, my friends.

Guards came in and escorted me down the hall. The priest still quietly speaking and chanting behind me. I was prepared for the injection and soon was sitting on the chair they had set up. A doctor swabbed an area. I spoke. "Will this hurt?" "No. it'll be like going to sleep." "Will you walk me though it?" The doctor looked at me. I trembled. "Please. Iʼm so scared." The doctor nodded. "No problem. Any last words." I shook my head. "No. just…just tell my wife and daughter I love them. I'll always love them." He nodded. A few more officers came in, nodding to start the process.

The doctor started speaking to me. "I am starting the..” He spoke smoothly. Like it wasn'tʼhis first time talking a patient thru a procedure. I felt it take effect. I felt sleepy and peaceful almost. Then couldn'tʼkeep my eyes open. I fell asleep. And you know what I found out?

The priest was right.