You Still Find Fragments of Me

i.

I remember the night

After we told my parents

That we were together

We stayed the night

In your little bed

Because your parents were out of town

It was the closest I'd ever been

To another boy

And you held me in your arms

That entire night

Because you knew I was seven thoughts away from falling apart

I cried because my parents didn't want me

But you smiled and wiped my tears

Held me closer and said

That I was the only one that needed myself

And although my world was falling apart with every shooting star

You did your best to keep my pieces together

Even if you were fighting your own black holes

You were my secret garden

That I climbed down the trellis of

Away from every accusatory glare and disapproving stare

And my fountain of youth

ii.

Months went by

And I was supposed to learn how to fly on my own

But the only thing I learned was how to lean on you harder

iii.

Soon came a night

Where I couldn't take it any longer

I was going to end

Every shooting star

Every aurora borealis

Every solar flare and asteroid belt of my solar system

I relished the feeling of having the fate of the world in my hands

But I couldn't implode

Without telling you goodbye

I called you up

At 4am

And we snuck out to the field behind the church

Where we had bled our sins so many times

And had dared god to defy the stains

I pulled out the condoms I had bought in the gas station bathroom

For a buck fifty

And you clenched your fist around mine

Knowing the final pieces of me were slipping through your grip

And getting sucked into the vortex known as life

And there, under the open sky

Where I knew both god and lucifer could see us

You sodomized me

In full view of the cross and the lamb

iv.

You still find fragments

Of me between pages of

Your favorite book

And still hear the lyrics

Of my favorite song

In the wind