Shhh.. Are you listening?

Silence the world around you

Do you hear my voice?

I am here to guide you

That ringing in your ear

Why do you fear?

The world has taught you not to hear

You’ll soon figure out I’ve been there all along

S. L. Cline

Mentation and Perception of Sorts

"[3] For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear (2 Timothy 4:3 NLT)."

We never want to be wrong about things, and the icing on the cake would be finding someone that not only tells you that you're right, but also tells you that it is ok to keep on doing whatever it is that you want to do. If you're honoring God by following Him and serving others, then this kind of teaching could very well be fine. However, if the teaching you are seeking is encouraging poor habits and keeping you from making necessary changes, then the teaching will drain you and keep you in a place that you may justify as feeling good, but is actually harmful to not only you, but to those that are in your life.

Lord, thank You for no shortage of good teaching out there, especially from those You have called to instruct. Please help me to seek and continue to learn from teachers that help me to grow in my relationship with You, teachers that show me how to honor You, teachers whom help me to be of better service to others, and teachers whom encourage me to move away from negative practices that I need the reminder to reject. Please help me to also teach my upcoming new class of students in a way that reflects You, is encouraging in the right way, and helps those in my care to grow in only the best way possible. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

‭"[2] Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart (Colossians 4:2 NLT‬)."

I have become really good at keeping up with two short devotionals each morning (reading them in their respective apps, then listening to them in podcast format), but getting into a prayer routine has been something that I have continued to struggle with. I heard Brant Hansen recently question on his podcast how we would react if we no longer had access to speaking to God through prayer, and he remarked that having the access to be able to talk to God anytime through prayer is something that we should not pass up. This is definitely an area I want to grow in, and Paul's call to approach prayer with "an alert mind and a thankful heart" is definitely good advice I can appreciate and get behind. Finding some undistracted alone time for prayer would certainly help with raising focus, and approaching this time with an emphasis on gratitude seems like it would help me to not only speak to Him with an appreciative tone, but would also help me in my own reflections on all the blessings and wonderful things He has put in my life.

Thank You Lord for continuing to be there for me and for loving me, even with my struggles in connecting with You more often in prayer. You have reminded me of the benefits of taking You up on dedicating time to bond with You over prayer, and I am feeling inspired to work on this once again. Please help me to improve in consistent prayer, and please help me to do this not to attempt to gain favor (You already did that with the cross), but please help me to do this in order to grow closer to You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

the winding spiral of nicotine tasted remarkable

until the next morning when i swore it off forever

the smell of beer on his lips was intoxicating

though i have never really enjoyed any strong drink

the warmth of the burn felt like all time was standing still

only hours later i would hate the textiles it touched for their coldness

i swam in ponds of water so soft and fertile i felt refreshed by them

only later to not be able to scrub hard enough to remove it from my skin

i loved

and yet i hate that i did

in my youth i preferred walking the dirt roads barefoot

i would break up with this desire the second i slipped into new socks

the relationship continues this way

never a child

forever childlike

i spin in circles of cruel and etherial unsustainable joy

a power source with no energy

i drink from the stone cup of my fathers

honey, that drinks like silk, and poisons me

deep breaths find me in all emotional voids and fill me

and also at summits of the best moments in life- to remind me

i am

and nothing is more powerful than turbulent contradictions

grounded to contrition

anchored in blood

drowning in air when water sets me free

i will die

for

i am

at any opportunity

R1.9-15

"[12] But tell me this—since we preach that Christ rose from the dead, why are some of you saying there will be no resurrection of the dead? [13] For if there is no resurrection of the dead, then Christ has not been raised either. [14] And if Christ has not been raised, then all our preaching is useless, and your faith is useless. [15] And we apostles would all be lying about God—for we have said that God raised Christ from the grave. But that can’t be true if there is no resurrection of the dead. [16] And if there is no resurrection of the dead, then Christ has not been raised. [17] And if Christ has not been raised, then your faith is useless and you are still guilty of your sins. [18] In that case, all who have died believing in Christ are lost! [19] And if our hope in Christ is only for this life, we are more to be pitied than anyone in the world. [20] But in fact, Christ has been raised from the dead. He is the first of a great harvest of all who have died (‭1 Corinthians 15:12-20 NLT‬)."

I have struggled with the voice of doubt, and I can't say that I still don't. But these words from Paul are so helpful to me, and I still can't believe that some of the same doubts I wrestle with are actually Bible canon! I love how Paul states the worse case scenario of what if we are all wrong about Christianity, states that it would basically suck to be us if that is actually the case, then reaffirms the truth of what Jesus did for us, and pushes forward. These are life verses for me that I read regularly when my Bible habit is on track, and they always bring me comfort and improved faith in their way of addressing my concerns in a guilt free fashion, and they also remind me of the other multiple passages in the Bible that discuss doubt (including doubts that some of the heroes of the Bible fought with and won against). I am grateful to God for sticking by me despite doubts of my own, and for giving me resources to help me work through doubt. This kindness of the Lord inspires me to continue to seek Him and grow in my faith.

the Master knows

He is furious

we must leave now

the serpent waits

ready to help us

at the gate

RUN

Deus nos interficiet

if we stay

"[15] Well then, what shall I do? I will pray in the spirit, and I will also pray in words I understand. I will sing in the spirit, and I will also sing in words I understand. [16] For if you praise God only in the spirit, how can those who don’t understand you praise God along with you? How can they join you in giving thanks when they don’t understand what you are saying? [17] You will be giving thanks very well, but it won’t strengthen the people who hear you. [18] I thank God that I speak in tongues more than any of you. [19] But in a church meeting I would rather speak five understandable words to help others than ten thousand words in an unknown language (1 Corinthians 14:15-19 NLT‬)."

There can be awe inspiring power in observing the process of someone speaking in tongues, but without a translation in understandable language, the words themselves aren't going to help anyone that isn't following what is being communicated. Words that we can understand and use to interact with others have incredible power when it comes to passing on a message, including messages God wants us to hear. Paul's point of preferring "five understandable words" was in contrast to just speaking in tongues, but even when it comes to many words in an understandable language, just a few can sometimes be enough to be life changing. This week I want to work on paying attention to the words God is passing on through those He has entrusted with them. By doing this I seek to not only learn more about God, but also grow closer to Him. Whether the words are many that come from a lengthy podcast, or a quick quote from a short devotional, God's power can shine through, and I want to soak them in.

Besides Jesus, there are certain characters that I favour in the Bible such as Gideon, Esther and Paul among others. But my favourite character is Paul.

I like and appreciate his life story for several reasons:

(1) That he taught us to embrace positivity or optimism even when faced with challenges and obstacles, and to have faith and trust in God in those difficult times that He has a plan for us.

(2) That he encouraged his followers to treat others with compassion and respect, namely love, regardless of their differences, whatever shape that takes e.g. skin colour, nationality etc. He taught us to be kind and loving towards friends, family, and even strangers.These I find especially important when witnessing to others about Jesus being Lord and Saviour.

(3) That he was a warrior even without the visible armour about his body because he persevered through many hardships which included imprisonment and persecution for his beliefs and we can do the same because God will enable us. I find this especially appealing since I was always the shy and timid kid who was always afraid of others' criticism but in high school I decided to ditch that version and go for faith in God because between now when I'm young and healthy and when death comes nearer that's not the way I want to die.

(4) That he used his talents and gifts such as being a skilled writer and speaker to spread the teachings of Jesus and share his own story of transformation. I

find this to be one way that we can serve others and make a positive impact in the world. This resonates with me because it's one way to feel useful whereas I would've continued to feel not.

(5) That he sought to deepen his wisdom and understanding by devoutly looking to God's Word for it. This too, we should practice daily because just as our bodies need refreshment daily so those our spirit.

(6) That he demonstrated humility and service towards others despite all his accomplishments and leadership in the early Christian church, and he remained humble and grateful even in times of success and prosperity. I'm reminded that we can do the same by humbly serving those around us and using our resources and abilities to help those in need and stay humble and grateful throughout while giving credit to God for the successes and achievements.

(7) That we can learn from him to practice forgiveness and let go of bitterness and resentment towards others because he eventually came to forgive himself and others, and other Christians came to forgive him as well for all the horrible things he had done to them.

(8) That he was unafraid to stand up for his beliefs, even in the face of opposition and persecution. He remained steadfast in his faith and continued to spread the message of love and salvation, even if it was unpopular and challenging.

(9) Lastly, that he trusted in God for his that His plan is always for our ultimate good just as Romans 8:28 says. Here we can learn to surrender our own desires and trust in God's perfect plan for our lives because His is far better or beyond than our own.

There's a quote that says there's only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing. But I refuse to say nothing, do nothing and be nothing because as Jesus and Paul taught me, that's not how I want to live and die.

"[1] Saul was one of the witnesses, and he agreed completely with the killing of Stephen. A great wave of persecution began that day, sweeping over the church in Jerusalem; and all the believers except the apostles were scattered through the regions of Judea and Samaria. [2] (Some devout men came and buried Stephen with great mourning.) [3] But Saul was going everywhere to destroy the church. He went from house to house, dragging out both men and women to throw them into prison (‭Acts of the Apostles 8:1-3 NLT‬)."

I am going through a season where I am struggling with anxiety over shame for past sins and mistakes that I wish I could go back and handle differently, but I am unable to alter. Today's Scripture began with showing us a glimpse of Saul's dark feelings and actions, reflecting someone that can easily be written off as nothing more than a cruel villain. This isn't his destiny though, as later chapters reveal his encounter with the Lord, which converted Saul into a staunch Christian and ally to the Lord that we know as Paul. He couldn’t change like this on his own, but God worked through him, and Paul embraced it and allowed the Lord to empower him to do great things in the Lord's name. It is reassuring to know that if Paul could go through such a radical change even after all the wrongs he did, that I can also be changed and serve as an ally to God, regardless of my past mistakes.

Chuck Mingo's latest message ("How To Access Power" - https://www.iheart.com/podcast/270-crossroads-church-28634445/episode/s2-ep13-how-to-access-power-165384788/?cmp=android_share&sc=android_social_share&pr=false) featured some great mantras that I will be utilizing as I continue to work through internal struggles over my past failures. I loved Chuck's statement of "kicking out the trash talking voice of shame," and his reminder that "you don't have to be defined by your biggest mistake." One of the most important things Chuck helped me to remember is that I'm not alone in overcoming these feelings, as I can call on the Holy Spirit to help me work through the things I need to overcome. Constantly trying to sort through everything by my own thoughts and feelings alone is not only exhausting, but doesn't lead to complete peace in the end, as new anxieties will inevitably come into play. But trusting in God to help me through any and all of these battles, along with embracing my identity as a son that belongs to Him, will be the key that I need to use to unlock true calmness, and the path to the next step in the role God wants me to play in the growth of His Kingdom.

Lord, thank You for the gift of Your son's work on the cross, and His resurrection afterward that paid the price for all of my past, present, and future sins. Thank You for not letting that be Your only plan for my life, as there is more work that You would like to do through me. Please help me to continue to stand up to that voice of shame, and please help me to pay attention to what You truly want me to put my focus on. Please help anyone dealing with feelings of guilt, shame, and hopelessness, and please equip me to be part of the solution for those that are going through these kind of challenges. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Never have I heard of a man that endured long-suffering,

From the things he owned to the ones he loved, even his very own skin perished,

His body died while he was alive yet he didn't curse God, I lost my mother and it took me a minute to do what he couldn't do in long months,

Even when others laughed at his pain, he remembered all he had was from God

If I was job, my name wouldn't have been writen in the good books cuz mine would have ended in death

His story reminds me that God is infact aware of all our pain and he is powerful enough to make us forget it.