You - the darkness,

The flame

Which burns my ego

You see - red

Blood and sacrifice,

Love on a silver platter

And you will lick me up

Leave only necessity,

Leave only soul

And I will beg of you;

I fear love isn’t enough

The body is a device and I have been hacked:

Greedy hands will remain dirtied

No matter how often cleaned

Wilting beside her as I plea,

She loved that this was the one part of her life she could control

That I was fifteen and breaking apart at the seams

Fifteen and here it comes - and I can’t breathe

The night I gave in to your mind

Collecting dust on my bookshelf 

Was the night I returned to myself - 

Discovering your thoughts was my

Resuscitation

Despair flooding my body,

A misinterpreted tragedy:

I knew your end

Before I knew you

Now, as I write,

My brain hums

Scattered lines of your poetry

And I am tripping on the quiet elegance

Of your metaphors

Do you speak

For me?

With your

Lipsticked smile

Do you burn 

For me?

With that

Fire in your gut

You see as I do,

You create as I do,

You leave as I desire to

And I fill my mind,

I pinch my eyes shut and view you

On the streets of New York City:

Fair hair curled, 

Blowing in the wind like the dust we are

Painted smile widening,

Contagious.

You know of what others do not,

Though you do not know of this

You are skin and bone

And so full of love,

Maybe you were too much for this world

Dear, I wish to see you

As your skin folded

I wish to see you

As your lipstick settles

You dared question,

What the hell?

Who cares?

But the reality of it all?

You care,

As do I

Though supposedly not enough to keep you alive

1. Accept the help;

2. Remember, no good deed goes unpunished

3. You are so ravenous for something - anything -

4. Soon, you will have the opportunity to touch the destruction within you

5. And then, karma will find you in your best moment

6. You feel as though you could eat for weeks and not fill yourself

7. If you cannot have love, you desire death

8. Falling in love with each and every person who gave you the slightest bit of attention was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return

9. You are lustful now of your own soul

10. Still, there will never be enough poems to apologize for being born the way you were

I fear I must be the bearer of bad news:

At times you haunt yourself -

You have become nothing more

Than the lungs choking on Mother Nature’s tears,

Than the body washed up on shore

Here’s the premise She pitched me:

You are only carrying the remains

Of who you believe you once were -

You are only sleeping with the seagulls

Who pick apart your bones as you lay to rest

And it’s your choice:

You are in the midst of either finding, or losing your mind

Aphrodite,

I am unafraid to live again -

Lulled by the beat of her heart,

I found god in a girl, and

Sacrilege has never felt so holy

Shot by Eros,

I was shook

To the core of my being -

I love her

As Icarus loved flight

She does not beg of me,

But ground me to earth

She does not force me,

But comfort me in vulnerability

And when she smiles, I think,

She has never been anything to me

But light

There was a woman

And her name was Lilith:

She demanded egalitarianism,

And when he forced his dirty hands

On her immaculate flesh,

Emancipation

Now, I think of her as I fight

After, there was a woman

And her name was Eve:

She consumed sin,

As he observed - intrigued, still apathetic

They hollowed out her heart,

Crafting a home for shame

And it never quite left

Now, I think of her as I dress

I think of them as I bleed

And I want to find

Lilith

And I want to find

Eve

So I can thank them

A reenactment of purity

Smothers me - I am

Skin and bones, wrapped up

In a hospital gown

I am bald and blood-bathed,

Unstitched and open

Eating tomato soup and mothballs

This is how it goes:

They find you again,

Screaming,

Slicing your flesh like cake,

Shaving your head as if you were shedding the skin of your past self

Thinking you had killed her last time,

(As if you couldn’t protect her)

Thinking you have died too often

For your own death not to count

(As if it ever meant anything more

Than a statistic)

They explain to you,

The world doesn’t need you now,

Maybe you should take a break?

And they send you here,

Where the people want you to be

Vistaril, white, iodine

And you tell them,

If god is real,

They don’t believe in me

I.

Racing bikes with failed brakes into trees

Plunging into algae-infested ponds while

Attempting to stifle laughs without ease

II.

Rocking out until our fingers grew coarse

Belting out until our voices turned hoarse

Rapping half-known words with force 

III.

Staying up beyond the wee hours

I, pretending to gush over boys you mention

You, pretending to believe my retention 

Never feeling a need to cower and hide

With a friend unashamed of what’s inside 

Maybe they are right

About Icarus’s seize

For the sun,

About his wits lost 

In triumph

Never mind being 

Susceptible to the cold,

In your warmth I am

Basking;

Striving

With an origami heart

And lighting racing

Throughout my veins

Maybe I have to burn

To learn