my mind built a room safe from danger,

away from rejection, from every known

and unknown fears to keep me safe,

a perpetual sanctuary;

i peered out the little window,

where light poured in and showed

me all the things that were wrong

and yet so right, contradictions

and the chaotic beauty that coexists

outside of us and within us,

because to be alive means accepting

that nothing is fool proof,

that we are fallible and prone to

mistakes, a collection of

scraped knees and bruised

elbows, the devastation of a

broken heart, the countless tears

that sting our eyes and the

screams that echo in our ears;

are the remedy to feeling whole,

because despite the little voice

that begs us to stay, we leave and

our spirits are full because we dared

to venture outside of the padded

walls that were created to keep us

safe for a life of uncertainty, there

are no regrets outside these walls;

only beginnings.

and then I feel small, so very small

trapped in a room that seems to suck

the air right out of my lungs,

I feel a tremble reverberate through my

bones and into my teeth, I clench my

jaws and ball up my fits

I am like a butterfly

trapped in a spider's web,

flapping and fluttering

until it's stops.

i am 30 and before that i was 15, 9 and 2,

i am lost and before that i was sure,

so absolutely sure of flying to distant

stars and planets and discovering life

that exists beyond us.

but now, i don't know

of anything anymore;

and that scares me.

places linger on the fingertips,

red from the cold,

your hot breath creates a cloud

of smoke that lifts into the

inky sky littered with a million

twinkling stars.

I like the comfort of being lost in crowded places,

not because of the anonymity

but because of the humanity;

it reminds me of what it means to be alive,

the expanse of the space swept in the

infinite motion of the present -

to exist, here with you, me and everyone

with hopes and dreams, heartache and pain,

unknown and sheltered from the outside

world, too tender to heal, to breathe, to expel

wonderful and mundane, just moments,

because everything we know and love

are a culmination of moments,

starting now.

what is there to tide us over in times of grief or desolation if not for memories? unforgotten pasts colored in the moments that exist, colliding with the metaphysical realities that exists within our brilliant minds, palpable, tangible, hold them close and feel them in your bones, hear their mellifluous laughter echoing in your eardrums, and feel their soft kisses placed every so gently on your face, remember the smell of their cologne before it fades, lost into the spaces that fill the holes of our existence. to remember is a gift because memories are all we have left once the dust settles and the silence rings deaf in our ears.

a life lived in scarcity,

to afraid to venture beyond

the steps from home,

full of timid responses

and a canvas left blank

for another tomorrow.