and then I feel small, so very small

trapped in a room that seems to suck

the air right out of my lungs,

I feel a tremble reverberate through my

bones and into my teeth, I clench my

jaws and ball up my fits

I am like a butterfly

trapped in a spider's web,

flapping and fluttering

until it's stops.

i am 30 and before that i was 15, 9 and 2,

i am lost and before that i was sure,

so absolutely sure of flying to distant

stars and planets and discovering life

that exists beyond us.

but now, i don't know

of anything anymore;

and that scares me.

places linger on the fingertips,

red from the cold,

your hot breath creates a cloud

of smoke that lifts into the

inky sky littered with a million

twinkling stars.

I like the comfort of being lost in crowded places,

not because of the anonymity

but because of the humanity;

it reminds me of what it means to be alive,

the expanse of the space swept in the

infinite motion of the present -

to exist, here with you, me and everyone

with hopes and dreams, heartache and pain,

unknown and sheltered from the outside

world, too tender to heal, to breathe, to expel

wonderful and mundane, just moments,

because everything we know and love

are a culmination of moments,

starting now.

what is there to tide us over in times of grief or desolation if not for memories? unforgotten pasts colored in the moments that exist, colliding with the metaphysical realities that exists within our brilliant minds, palpable, tangible, hold them close and feel them in your bones, hear their mellifluous laughter echoing in your eardrums, and feel their soft kisses placed every so gently on your face, remember the smell of their cologne before it fades, lost into the spaces that fill the holes of our existence. to remember is a gift because memories are all we have left once the dust settles and the silence rings deaf in our ears.

a life lived in scarcity,

to afraid to venture beyond

the steps from home,

full of timid responses

and a canvas left blank

for another tomorrow.

it's okay to feel, let it flow through you, let it run down your face and drop into the earth. feel as often as possible, freely and openly but never hold onto them for too long. feel them long enough to let them go, always let them go because there is an abundance inside you, forever creating and destroying in an endless cycle of life. what a joy to be alive.