tumble and fall
I lie in complete darkness, the only sound audible is the small whir from the electric fan. I close my eyes again, only to be met with the overwhelming thoughts consuming my brain. Each one growing louder and louder as if it were a contest. I feel the tears well in my eyes as all the stress and worries build up slowly, one stacking upon the other like a block tower, but the tower can only get so tall before it all tumbles down. And that’s what it’s done, that one last brick was sat on the top and the towers balance could no longer hold, all of it came crashing down as fast as a lighting strike. I can’t control the tightness in my chest, and the tears have started pouring down my cheeks, hitting my pillow like raindrops. Eventually my body manages to calm down, and I find myself in a restless sleep, only to be woken up in the morning to follow the same pattern again.
Bittersweet
I sat on the soft white comforter of your bed, examining my surroundings. The coral pink of your walls blending perfectly with the mint colored decorations. You were sat in the black office chair subconsciously using the tips of your toes to twist you from side to side. Blonde strands of hair fell from the messy bun formed on your head into you face, softly moving back and forth with your breath. You stared down at your phone, scrolling through what I could only assume was Instagram or Twitter.
There was a silence between the two of us, a comfortable silence. It didn’t give me the sense of panic that the quiet usually leaves, settling in the pits of my chest. It wasn’t that awkward moment where both of us were lost and couldn’t find the words to say. I could sense the feeling of being content radiating off of the both of us. I picked at the frayed ends of my golden yellow sweater, hoping and praying that this moment could last forever, but alas it came to an end.
Now I lie in another’s bed, watching his breath rise and fall slowly, that same feeling of being content washing over me again, but this time with a mix of caution and fear hiding in the background as I remember how after moments like this everything seems to turn from sweet to sour.
No words.
I have no words.
There’s nothing left to say
I do my best to pull something from my brain but nothings there.
I want to just push this all away, but it won’t budge.
This has me at a breaking point, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
All I can do is sit in the silence.
Alone in my room, with a pen and paper and try write out and explain to myself what the fuck has just happened.
But there’s nothing there, I’m out of words.
Background
No one ever notices her.
She just sits there, quietly and listening.
She laughs along to the jokes, smiles to show the fact she’s trying to be apart of the social group.
She tries to speak up, but simply gets talked over or ignored.
Her smile falters slightly and she pulls herself back.
Fading further and further into the background.
intertwined
(based on personal experience & lyrics from the song intertwined by dodie)
The quiet of the night finally settles in.
In the distance there’s the faint sound of a bull frog croaking by its pond.
And on the dimly lit wooden porch sat you and me swinging on the swing that would let out the smallest creak each times we swung back.
There was a comfortable silence between us, and we both sat down enjoying the peacefulness of this cool September night.
We kept not-so-secretly stealing glances of one another, until finally both our eyes met and you let the slightest smile form on your face.
“This is nice,” you spoke, your voice was soft and calm.
I hummed in response, and eventually one of us sparked a conversation.
We tell one another about our fears of the world, and the dangers of our own minds, but in this moment we felt safe.
We continued on like this, both of us freeing all of the aggression this shitty world caused to build inside of us.
For the first time in forever my genuine smile showed itself.
If only moments like this would never come to an end.
hello to the night
Once again the brightness of our day
Has begun, like a passing breath, to fade further away.
Diamond stars have begun to paint our sky.
As we all say goodbye
To the brightness that once lit
Every area of the world where we sit.
And the moonlight shines so bright
That it creates such an amazing sight.
Out in the quiet just you and me
Leaning against a dark oak tree.
Listening to the sounds of the night.
Anxiously awaiting the eventual morning light.
hidden thoughts
I wish I could see through the darkness within my own head.
I wish I could explain everything to you free of guilt, but I can’t.
I know you have your own demons to deal with, and difficulties to fight.
I don’t tell anything to you in fear of pushing you over the edge.
I want nothing more than for you to not worry about me, my silly insecurities, or my reckless thoughts and actions.
I build it all up inside, because it’s the one way I know how to protect you.
I gather all my worries and push them to the side in order to care for you in your time of need.
I stay silent in the moments I feel most broken and defeated, because that’s the only way I won’t burden you with my problems.
I keep them locked away and throw away the key.
I’m only trying to look after you, and not cause you to possess anymore hurt or worry.
dark mirror
Ashton grudgingly opened his round, forest green eyes. The only light that illuminated his dark room was the the sliver of silver moonlight and the cold yellow of the streetlights that peaked through the closed velvet curtains that hung over the window. As he looked to his left and saw his black alarm clock, the dim red numbers read 1:15 AM. He sighed as he rolled back over in an attempted to fall back asleep; as his eyes slowly began to shut, a light tapping sound filled his ears. At first he dismissed it, assuming it was just the wind blowing a tree branch against his window; however, it seemed as if with each passing minute, the tapping grew louder and louder, faster and faster. Curiosity took control over Ashton and he slowly sat up, the warmth he once felt being underneath his large comforter was now replaced by the cold air blowing from the ceiling fan above him.
Ashton swung open the door to the bathroom, and flipping the switch; he squinted as the sudden bright lights temporarily blinded him. When his eyes had finally adjusted to the new lighting, he made his way to the window, pulling the string which lifted the white blinds from barricading his view of what was outside. As he looked out the glass, all he saw was his reflection staring back towards him. The tapping sound continued to grow, and eventually turned into knocking, Ashton glanced around confused as he realized the noise was not coming from outside. He turned his focus to the large mirror above the sink, which is where the sound appeared to emerging from.
A perplexed look took place on Ashton’s face as own eyes continued to stare back at him. Carefully, he reached out towards the mirror, jumping back as the tapping began again. This time more forceful than before. He could feel his heart begin to race, his palms began to sweat, and the anxiety continued to rise higher and higher in his chest. He bit his lip as his thoughts raced back and forth. After a few moments of pondering his hand slowly began to reach towards the mirror again. His hand inched closer and closer and as it reached the mirror it moved through the reflective class. His eyes widened as he attempted to pull back, but his hand was being gripped tightly by God only knows what. It seemed as if the more he struggled to get away the closer he was pulled towards the mirror. Closer and closer until he was pulled all the way through, and there was nothing but darkness surrounding him. Ashton’s is only one of the many taken by the dark mirror.