From Depression To Death
I died. I watched myself die and all that I could do was stare.
I tried running to catch myself but I couldn't. I tried shouting, asking for help but I couldn't. I tried stopping myself but I couldn't. You see, that's what depression does to you. You want it to stop but you can't. You care, but not enough. Neither did I.
So, I watched myself die.
I screamed, but my voice never reached you. Perhaps, you didn't want to listen to it. When I told you that I'm going through depression, you pointed at my head and told me 'There's nothing called depression. It's all here .' If you told me that you had stomach cancer, would it make sense if I pointed at your stomach and said ' There is nothing like cancer. It is all here .' We are in the 21st century. Why don't you take depression for real? Depression does exist.
When tears were continuously running from my eyes, I was not in a state of going around or meeting anyone or talking. Only I knew what it felt like. I had to suffer this and no one would help me. People questioned me if something happened, why wasn't I talking or why I always put on a serious facade. So I had to smile and speak something.
No one knows about that mental pain. No one likes to talk about it. And yes, everyone hated me for my negativity. I was tired of trusting people. Everyone left me. I had to deal with this on my own. It was very hard, so hard to stick on and stand strong but at last, everything went in vain.
I was so fed up with all that broken heart and people giving me false assurances. I didn't talk to anyone because I assumed that something was wrong with me. I ran away from my friends. I knew that I didn't have the energy for all of this. Finally, I had disappointed everyone so much, that they couldn't stand me anymore.
At last, when I had no one next to me, depression became my best friend. She gave me a shoulder to lean on. If you hadn't mocked at my pain and laughed at my tears, I wouldn't have let depression become mine.
Depression in me gave rise to a walking corpse. Earlier, I used to write, laugh and sing but now, I cry, sleep and scream. We were best friends but eventually, I fell for her. She never left me alone. She told me that facing our problems and working through them would eventually kill us.
She lived deep inside me. She started stitching my torn heart to make sure it doesn't tear again. She came to meet me every night and pushed me into horrible memories. She threw me into a never-ending black hole. She left me with no hopes and ambitions. She brought out the artist in me. I started craving beautiful pictures on my hand. She gave rise to an actress in me. I started faking smiles and acted like nothing could consume me.
She made me cry for no reason. She had taken immense control over me. She screamed at me every day and started telling me how terrible I was. She made me replay every mistake I had ever made. She humiliated me on a daily basis. She made it impossible for me to be happy.
I decided that I did not want her to be a part of my life again. I hated her and I hated myself for ever letting her in my head and loving her. I needed help. I wanted to break up with her. The only way I could break up was by giving her my life and I did it. I died. Peacefully.
If you had helped me when I came up to you, if you had heard me and tried to comfort the crying face hiding behind a pretty smile, I wouldn't have died.
Just a request: Everyone undergoes a phase of depression at one point or the other. When your dear ones come to you, comfort them or be ready to let them run away, forever. I did not run away because I was afraid. I ran away because the only way to escape fear was to trample it within my feet. This was my way of escaping it. Don't allow others to run away, like the way I did.
#depression #contest #love #life #pain #article #depressionkills #competition #breakup #suicide #sad #cry
From, A fetus who doesn’t want to see the outer world.
A girl child is in bondage from her birth. First by her parents, then her husband and finally by her own children. Not just this, she is often condemned to death even before she is born.
You need to understand one thing. I'm not just a fetus. After I step into the outer world ,will I not be your daughter? Why is it that you assume that I can never bring a smile on your face ?
I'm not just a ball of flesh and blood. I have an identity. The medicine you take in are killing me. The medicines that should give life seem to be taking away mine.
Though there is a less probability for the fact that will I step into your hell, you will still find ways to suppress me. As soon as you know that I'm a girl, you throw me into a dustbin. Like seriously?
The thing that has evolved from your sperm and egg is equivalent to garbage ?
In case, I don't have to go through all these and my parents are pretty broad minded, we have our society to brainwash them about the perks of having a son. I'm forced to live a life of restrictions and no happiness. I'm blamed for everything and the only reason is that, I'm a girl and boys don't commit a mistake. I'm raped, it's my mistake again. You think I enjoyed it right ?
Even if I take all the courage to step into the courtroom, I will not get justice. If I do, it will be a decade after my death.
A girl is not inferior to boy, in any field and she have proved it in every aspect of life .
I can be a mother, wife, daughter, sister, etc.
But most importantly, I am a human just like you. My feelings hurt. My heart aches. Your words in my head and knives in my heart, kill me every second. I'm not your plaything. I'm not a toy. If you fall down, you bleed. That bleeding is pure. But the same blood , which is the sole reason for your existence, is impure. But you know what, I'll bleed. Bleed with pride. In those 5 days, I bleed, I scream and I cry. I feel lonely. When I see you approaching me, I'm shattered. Shattered, listening to the restrictions you impose on me. A rapist and a murderer is let into the temple but I'm not. Aren't there female Gods ? Tagged impure, I'm let with a question in my mind - "Are these the golden words written in my destiny ?"
You marry me to a stranger at an younger age because you fear my Virginity. You wait till I become a teen, so that you can throw the burden, you gave birth to.
He kills me every night, but I'm reborn the very next day. Infact I have to. I'm a pleasure box right ? 24*7 available. You can play with my body whenever you desire.
I'm neither safe before marriage nor after marriage. I walk bare foot and give my child sneakers to wear, but in the end, I have to die like an orphan on the busy road with no one giving an eff about a rag picker's death. Sorry.. Sorry.. A girl shouldn't swear right?
Whenever I think everything will be fine, you hit me and bring me back to reality. The bitter reality. Yet, my heart tries to find something better in that, hoping something good will happen, Atleast for a while.
So, Tell me. Shouldn't I thank you for killing me in my mom's womb ?
Before birth, I'm in darkness. But Atleast, I feel safe and secure.
A fetus who doesn't want to see the outer world.
#fetus #feminism #competition #prose #letter #girl #love #life #pain