Now that I’m thinking,

Pride Month does not only mean,

Love is love, it means,

You are you.

That is the big message,

I feel is conveyed.

I don’t know where I’m going

Or where I’ve been

Or who I am

I think I’ve gotten lost

Somewhere between the safety of home

And wherever I’ve ended up

I can’t seem to remember

What my original plan was

Where was I going?

Maybe I didn’t have a plan

Maybe I just wanted to run

All I can do now

Is hope the waves

Will carry me safely to shore

So I can start again

And maybe I’ll just run right back

Maybe I just want to live

Lost in the waves

With no purpose

With nothing to do

With no one I have to please

Maybe for once,

I just want to live for myself

In a place they will never find me

The waves will keep me safe

But somehow,

They always bring me back home

The life I have lived

Is fifty shades of grey

It is darkness

And deception

And pain

I would never drink

From the fountain of youth

I would never purposefully

Lengthen my time

On the planet

That has brought me

So much pain

We are all monsters

Every one of us

Some hide their monster

Deep inside

And never let it see the light

But don’t be fooled

If you push the right buttons,

Everyone’s monster

Will come out to play

We can’t hide the evil

That occupies all our souls

Forever

And that’s why the world

Has become a dark place for me

It hurts that I'll never get to tell you the truth

I'll never get to tell you how much you mean to me

Or how much she hurt me

Or all that is going on in my life

It hurt that I had to keep secrets from you

It's not that I didn't trust you

I just didn't want you to get hurt

I couldn't bear to see as broken as I am every day

So I left

I didn't say goodbye

I know you don't understand

You never will if all goes as planned

But I promise all the hurt you're feeling now

Is nothing compared to what would have happened

If I had stayed

You will never know

That everything I ever did

Was to protect you

I know you're strong

But I wouldn't want to place the burden of my pain

On anyone

Especially you

I love you more than anyone else ever will

I gave up everything for you

But you'll never know

I destroyed myself to ensure your safety

But you'll never know

We all make mistakes

But mine are irreversible

And now, my greatest punishment

Is the promise

I will never get to look into your eyes

And tell you how sorry I am

So, you will hate me forever

And I deserve it