I really don't like not knowing stuff.

But, in today's day with all our technology I don't have to not know stuff for very long.

All I gotta do is hit up Google and boom I'm suddenly an expert on thermonuclearfusion.

What causes lactose intolerance?

Why is the sky blue?

What is the difference between effect and affect?

Those are all stuff I used to not know but I know now cuz of the internet.

The internet can't answer all my questions though.

Why do dads leave?

Why do people do drugs?

Why is it easier for me to get a gun instead of an A on my history essay?

Why do my friends suffer?

Why can't I just make everything bad go away and dissappear?

I don't know.

And I don't like that.

But I know that someones got it.

Someone out there knows.

So it's gonna be okay...

Right?

If I Ruled the World things would be very different.

For example, I would never allow pineapple on pizza.

Radioshack will no longer be mocked but would be remembered with gratitude and respect because before there really was Amazon there was Radioshack.

People who replace the toilet paper under instead of over would be exiled.

The death penalty wouldn’t be a forced thing, instead murderers would be sent to farm and work and if they chose to be euthanised that would be on them.

Non-violent drug dealers would have shorter prison sentences than rapists, because people ask for drugs, they don’t ask for rape.

Marijuana would be legal everywhere but heavily taxed and screened.

PS4 would be established as the best gaming console world wide.

Baby Groot would be the new face of all environmentalist groups.

Footlong subs would in fact be a whole foot (12 inches) long.

Double stuff oreos would be truly double stuffed.

Large, judgement-free playgrounds would be built so that adults can go on slides and swings and monkey bars without the discomfort or glares.

Abortion would be legal but only if the mother is in grave danger, including disownment and medical complications. Other unwanted babies would be taken care of and given to families who cannot have children of their own, or placed in the foster system until adopted.

The foster system would focus on protecting and caring for kids and teens and babies, regardless how troubled or young or old they are. Families would never be split up. Potential foster or adoptive parents must pass several background checks, interviews from previous charges, psych evauluations and monthly visits and the kids would be interviewed monthly to make sure they were okay.

If I Ruled the World, Art would be equally valued as Math.

Music, Theater, Visual arts, Film, Poetry and more. They would be taught in schools alongside advanced math and science.

Math above Algebra would be taken as electives of the student’s own choice.

Science above Biology and Physical science would be too. Same with the Arts.

Each student and family would be able to pick an education path that suits them.

Teachers would be payed more than school administration.

The school board would consist of an equal amount of seats from parents, students, local government heads and concerned citizens. Everyone would have an equal say.

If I Ruled the World I would change a lot.

Maybe it would make things better, maybe not.

If I Ruled the World things would be very different.

For example, I would never allow pineapple on pizza.

Radioshack will no longer be mocked but would be remembered with gratitude and respect because before there really was Amazon there was Radioshack.

People who replace the toilet paper under instead of over would be exiled.

The death penalty wouldn’t be a forced thing, instead murderers would be sent to farm and work and if they chose to be euthanised that would be on them.

Non-violent drug dealers would have shorter prison sentences than rapists, because people ask for drugs, they don’t ask for rape.

Marijuana would be legal everywhere but heavily taxed and screened.

PS4 would be established as the best gaming console world wide.

Baby Groot would be the new face of all environmentalist groups.

Footlong subs would in fact be a whole foot (12 inches) long.

Double stuff oreos would be truly double stuffed.

Large, judgement-free playgrounds would be built so that adults can go on slides and swings and monkey bars without the discomfort or glares.

Abortion would be legal but only if the mother is in grave danger, including disownment and medical complications. Other unwanted babies would be taken care of and given to families who cannot have children of their own, or placed in the foster system until adopted.

The foster system would focus on protecting and caring for kids and teens and babies, regardless how troubled or young or old they are. Families would never be split up. Potential foster or adoptive parents must pass several background checks, interviews from previous charges, psych evauluations and monthly visits and the kids would be interviewed monthly to make sure they were okay.

If I Ruled the World, Art would be equally valued as Math.

Music, Theater, Visual arts, Film, Poetry and more. They would be taught in schools alongside advanced math and science.

Math above Algebra would be taken as electives of the student’s own choice.

Science above Biology and Physical science would be too. Same with the Arts.

Each student and family would be able to pick an education path that suits them.

Teachers would be payed more than school administration.

The school board would consist of an equal amount of seats from parents, students, local government heads and concerned citizens. Everyone would have an equal say.

If I Ruled the World I would change a lot.

Maybe it would make things better, maybe not.

Once upon a time there was a lonely male standing on a precipice

He decided that he did not want to be lonely anymore, and so he decided to find himself a partner

Thus he searched, for 10 years straight

And in that time, he experienced many things from heartbreak to death

But still he prospered, for he tired of being lonely

And one day his searches proved fruitful, for he met a woman so beautiful, few had managed to snare her before

She laughed at his jokes and loved him despite his looks

They enjoyed many days together, until one day she broke up with him without warning

The poor wretch felt even more lonely then before, because now he had an actual taste of love and he wanted it more then ever before, but he was now damaged goods

Over the course of two months, he tried to commit suicide three times over

Alas, it was fruitless as nothing he did could make his heart stop and his body drop

But on the last day of the third month, he met a new female

One who was better then any he had met before

Immediately, he knew that she was the one he was destined for, and till this day he chases after her, because if she denies him after all of this, he will truly be lost

-Anoyomous

You know what it's like to miss something?

I mean like really miss something.

Like, the kind of missing that makes your stomach hurt and your heart drop.

Nostalgia, I guess.

I just wanna go back.

Even if I went as a ghost and no one saw me or knew I was there.

I want to be back in that enviroment.

Hearing the conversations, seeing the smiles; the whole atmosphere.

Yeah, my world always feels like it's spinning.

But at least it was still there.

Today we are burying Fear for the third time.

Yes, yes, I know, it’s sad. He was always there for me. At night when I couldn’t sleep, on the way to school, in the middle of presentations. He was always there. The first time I buried him he was still alive. He laughed. He knew he would be back.

The second time I buried him he was weaker. He didn’t laugh. He smiled though, he winked and said “See ya tomorrow”. And he did. I let him stick around for a while. I almost think I missed him. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t miss how cold I felt when he was around. I didn’t miss the unease he brought, I think I missed the fact that he was there. It was like I was never alone. In a sick way, he was kind of a friend.

That is, before Peace walked in. Beautiful isn’t the word. She exudes calm. Tranquility radiates off of her. She is the exact opposite of Fear. I don’t feel cold or shaky or sick when she’s around. I feel safe. I know that I’m gonna be alright. She is really quiet, sometimes I don’t want to let her in because she is so quiet, but I always do. And her quiet is a good quiet. Fear’s quiet was deafening. Fear’s quiet was an earthquake and a hurricane. Peace’s quiet is like a bubble of security during the hurricane. It’s a bunker, but with pillows and music and food.

Peace and Fear were huge enemies. I was hanging with Fear when Peace showed up. I think that’s the only time I have ever seen her mad, but her anger was quiet. It was scarier than anything I have ever witnessed before but I knew I was safe. She walked up to Fear, his legs were trembling and his lip was quivering. He was doing that thing where he tried to make me feel sick, but Peace stepped in front of me and I felt okay. It was like watching a battle between two mages. Fear was sweating and shaking. His eyes bored into my soul, I could feel my stomach getting tight and my skin getting cold. Peace carried herself with such grace, it was like she was cloaked in a soft pink aura of calm. She stepped in front of me and all she said was “Be still”. Fear fell. Dead. No smiles. No laughs. He was gone.

So that is why we’re gathered here today. To bury Fear for the third and last time. He had me wrapped around his finger for too long. He had me used to the cold for too long. It’s over now. Peace is here and I am no longer a slave to Fear.

#Fear #oof #thoughts #funeral

Spinning.

The world below is foggy and unclear.

Stuck in this spiral of sky and the wavering of this life.

I grasp and reach for something.

I beg my feet to find the ground.

But they don't.

I am dizzy.

My head feels heavier than my shoulders.

The heavy will turn to numb soon.

I need to make it till night.

At night the heavy fades into nothing.

I feel nothing.

Am I nothing?

Spinning.

My head.

My heart.

My hands.

The spiral continues.

Pain.

Pain is grounding.

It is a rope to the ground.

I pull down.

But still I spin.

And the rope breaks.

And then I break.

A million pieces of me spin in the storm.

The sky is clear but my mind is not.

Day should be my friend.

Day means the sun.

The sun means light.

Light means the numb goes away.

Light means I made it.

I will make it till night.

And I will make it till day.

Light is hope.

Hope is freedom.

Freedom is peace.

Peace is ground.

I stop spinning.

There is a knock at the door.

I continue to knit.

I have earned my keep.

He can't kick me out.

My yarn and stomach are in a knot and I open the door.

And then we kiss, it starts all over again.

Marshmallows suck. There. I said it. Before you attack me hear me out. Let me set the scene. You're sitting outside on a chilly October night, surrounded by your closest friends, laughing and singing dumb campfire songs. Even though the music is loud, the comforting crackling of the fire is still heard and it reminds you that you are here. You are not spinning around alone and forgotten. You are here. In your best friend's backyard, with your other friends, with food, with music. For a split second, everything is okay. You don't think about how you failed your Chemistry test. You don't think about how your dad left. You don't think about how Katniss should have gotten with Gale. You don't feel crippled by life. You feel okay.

Until Emma brings out the marshmallows. Sure, some people like them. They're soft. Squishy. Kind of like boobs. But those little clouds of gelatin, corn starch, sugar and water are demons in disguise. They are impossible to roast properly. If you overcook them they shrivel and burn, just like your GPA. If you undercook them, they're hot and cold. Indecisive. Just like that girl you were gonna ask out. Marshmallows can act like they are perfect. All golden on the outside when really they are just sticky and gross on the inside, just like your life. On the outside you seem to have everything together when in reality you are just as confused and lost as everyone else. But, for the sake of those still clinging to the hope that marshmallows are good, lets just say you were able to correctly cook one. It's golden. Melty. Not too burnt, not too soft. Right in between.

Now try eating it. You can try this three different ways. The first, is just eating it right off the skewer. Good luck with that. You will burn your face off. In your haste to remove the smoldering skewer from your face you will burn your fingers. You will end up in the emergency room with second degree burns and when the nurse asks you what happened, you will lose all dignity and tell her you tried to eat a marshmallow.

The second, is waiting until the marshmallow has cooled down enough to touch and eating it with your hands. Bad plan. Very. Bad. Plan. Only three things can bring something together faster than a college student with a two hour deadline; Hate, the gel form of super glue and a half melted marshmallow. Got melted marshmallow between your fingers? Get used to living a cohesive life with your fingers cemented together, because friend, that's never coming off. It will get stuck in your hair. It will get stuck in your clothes. Accidentally touch someone? Congratulations! You and that poor person are now siamese twins. There is no escaping it. You will suffer through life with a preventable handicap. All because you tried to eat a marshmallow.

The third and final way one can try to enjoy a marshmallow is by making a smore. What could be better than a warm chocolate covered melted marshmallow squished between two golden graham crackers? Sanity. Have you ever tried to eat a smore? The chocolate never stays on the marshmallow. The graham crackers always break. You will burn fingers and your mouth. The chocolate will always be colder than the marshmallow. And those are just the trials of eating a smore, I'm not even going to mention how hard it is to make one. Twenty years later you are still living in denial. You still pretend to enjoy this process. You are trapped in a never ending saga, because you just had to eat a marshmallow.

So, Emma brings out the marshmallows. Everyone gets up and goes for the skewers. You sit alone, accompanied only by the cold air, distant laughter from friends and the fire. The red, blue and orange swirl together into flames and the comforting crackling has now turned into a mocking laugh. You are alone. Again. Marshmallows suck.