Harry Situation’s 200th Review: The Emoji Movie
I can’t believe that I wrote 200 reviews for Prose. Perhaps now is the time I should start getting paid to do this. But in all seriousness, this is truly another milestone I set for myself. I mean, wow. Can you believe it? 200 reviews. I must really have no life or something (lol).
Of course, like my previous review specials, I'm celebrating this grand event by reviewing a truly god-awful movie. And the movie that I chose for my 200th review is none other than the movie critics call the worst animated movie of all time, as well as the movie that started out with 0% on Rotten Tomatoes on opening weekend, the 4-time Razzie Award winning moive, The Emoji Movie.
The Emoji Movie is 2017 animated film about the world of Emojis in our phones. Yeah, you know those little faces that you click on to express yourself in a text message? They made those into a movie. I mean, why not right? We already have a couple Lego movies, and Wreck-It Ralph, so why can't there be a movie about Emojis? The film was also done by Sony Animation. You know, the company behind Hotel Transylvania and the new animated Spider-Man (Miles Morales) film coming later this year?
The story centers around a 'Meh' emoji named Gene (voiced by TJ Miller), but finds that he can make multiple expressions than simply being 'meh' all the time. Feeling outcasted by the other Emojis, he ventures out to discover himself (at least I think that's what he's doing during the film), and is joined by his friends the Hi-5 emoji (voiced by Jame Corden) and a hacker emoji (voiced by Anna Faris).
Now I think it's important not to judge a movie by its DVD case. It can't be all bad, right? I mean this is movie has Sir Patrick Stewart voicing a poop emoji. There's gotta be some fun to it, right? Is this movie really as bad as the real movie critics made it out to b-
One hour and thirty minutes wasted...
STUUUUPIIIID! THIS MOVIE IS STUUUUUUPIIIIIID!!!! STUUUUUUUPIIIIIID!!!! STUUUUUUUUPIIIIIID!!!! STUUUUUUPIIIIIID!!!!
I apologize for that sudden loss of sanity. Now that I’ve taken my happy pills, and I am currently restrained in a straight jacket, we can continue with this review. Oh my balls, this movie was stupid! I have never watched a movie this dumb and this generic before. There is absolutely no creativity behind this movie.
The first problem right off the bat is its humor. This is some of the most childish humor I've ever heard, and that's saying a lot coming from a kids movie. I mean it, there was nothing funny about this movie. The jokes were too dumb and predictable. I didn't laugh once in this movie, and that's pretty rare. Usually there would be something that'll get a chuckle out of me. Not this time. I was dead fucking silent throughout the whole movie. Not one single joke worked.
Remember when I mentioned earlier the Lego Movie and Wreck-It Ralph. Yeah, those two movies managed to do two things the Emoji Movie couldn't do:
1) Actually be inventive and creative with their worlds.
2) Be enjoyable.
The Emoji Movie basically tries to copying the secret life story from other, more successful movies but it fails horribly at it. There is nothing original about this movie. It hits every single film cliche you can think of, it hits every single predictable out come, it sucks in whatever is currently trending right now and tries sell it off as cheap entertainment.
But the one thing I think is kinda funny is the whole starting point as to why Gene wants to be normal. In this movie, these Emoji characters are all on this young boy's phone, and he's having a hard time trying to talk to this girl. So he comtemplates on what emoji he should send her.
You know, if the kid already has this girl's number in his contacts list, don't you think he already spoke to her sometime in a prior event? So why would he be having problems again talking to her?
Speaking of cheap entertainment, this movies is just a schlock of product placement. The product placement in this movie bitch-slaps you harder than any of the Michael Bay Transformers movies. That's how bad it is. The whole quest of these main characters is basically jumping different apps that they suspect the kids these days are using. There's Dropbox, Twitter, Candy Crush, even fucking Dance, Dance Revolution. It's like the writers have no children of their own, and have no idea what kids enjoy these days.
Noticed I haven't gone into detail about the plot? That's because the plot, like the rest of this movie, this generic to its core. There's an outsider that wants to be normal and goes on a quest to learn that they were normal all along. If you've heard this kind of plot before, that's because you've already seen it done better in other movies.
Now to be fair, the animation doesn't look too bad. There's some nice spots here and there, like when they go through Spotify and Dance, Dance Revolution. And the voiceover is on par overall. Yet those points aren't enough to help this movie succeed when the writing is awful and all the characters are the same archetype throughout. Heck, when the girl emoji, the one called Jailbreak that's voiced by Anna Faris, the twist is her character is actually a princess emoji that's trying to be a strong, independent woman or whatever. Wow... how original... *rolls eyes*
Sony has gone and made probably the most unnecessary movie I've seen in years, and I had already seen the American version of Death Note before seeing this one. I finally see why this movie was badly recieved and I don't blame them. This movie had an opportunity to break expectations but instead choice to play it safe and copy more successful stories about personality and individuality. This movie smells worse than a steaming pile of poop emojis.
-Some nice animation
-Generic as fuck
-Terrible writing and plot
-Pointless product placement
-Just pointless in general
Final Grade: F (Poop Emoji)
Thank you all for reading and following me after 200 reviews! I do hope to keep doing these reviews until the end of time (or the end of Prose, whichever comes first). And of course, I couldn't keep writing these without your support and feedback. Here's to when we can make it to 300 reviews!
Gene: "Emojis are the most important form of communication ever invented."
#harrysituationreviews #film #opinion #animation #emoji #thismoviesucks
i got down on my knees but forgot to pray
why must you ignore my hand?
if we crash land
will the last memory of me
be a nothing but a selfish demand?
remember life is supposed to be hard
spend it wisely and with meaning,
not with red cups scattered in the backyard.
does that fur coat warm your need for desire?
do your heels click like a plead for ones to admire?
i was never the smarter of the two
but i understand what love is
and have concluded i never felt it with you.
You Are My Madness
Madness is staying up every night
not caring about getting enough sleep
if it means I get to talk to you.
Madness is it being impossible
for you to ever leave my mind.
No matter what I’m doing,
you are part of my thoughts.
Madness is all the doubts I have
when you aren’t by my side.
It’s the way every fear melts away
the second you wrap me in your arms.
Madness is all I’ve given up
just to be with you.
I would sacrifice almost everything
to be with you forever.
Madness is not caring how quickly
you could change your mind about me.
You could leave me any second,
but it doesn’t matter.
I want as much of you as you’re willing to give.
Madness is believing all the promises
even though the odds are against us.
You say you could never stop loving me.
I hope it’s true.
Madness is believing we can make it.
We don’t have a chance,
but you make me believe it will all be okay.
You are my madness.
You are the cause of my anxiety,
but you are also the reliever of my stress.
I don’t know what the future holds,
but it will all be okay
if you stay.
My hands grip the bar,
As I gaze over the side.
One slip of my hand,
One false move of my foot,
And I would plummet down below,
And my life would end.
So would my worries,
And everything else.
So I let my hand slip,
And I let my foot move,
And I start to plummet
To the waters below,
But a hand reaches out,
And lifts me back up.
I come face to face
With the one who cared enough,
"You mean a lot to me,
Please don't end your life.
If you do, you'll end mine too."
And you climbed on over,
To the other side of the railing,
And you stood next to me,
Your hand in mine.
I knew now that someone cared enough.
I knew it'd be wrong,
If I took my life,
So I pulled you into a hug,
And thanked you for saving it.
I am not Proud
you & I
not for us
lest we too
Love is Love
First of all,
But it doesn't matter,
Who you love,
Is who you love,
A person that loves you,
Is all you need,
In front of you?
If the answer is yes,
Nothing else should matter,
As long as you love,
They could find love,
In the world,
It is hard to find love,
So quick to find hate,
Since hate is easier,
We need to learn,
That love is love.
Love conquers all,
All love conquers,
I hope to find love,
What if no one ever falls in love with me?
What if all love is conditional?
What if I am alone forever?
All I want is confidence in that I can trust someone.
I want to be able to go home every day
And know someone loves me more than anyone else.
It scares me that things can change so quickly.
One day, someone can be such a big part of your life,
And the next, they’re gone.
It’s like you never knew each other.
It’s like neither of you ever cared.
I’ve been told time and time again that people don’t change.
How can this be true?
How is it that people I used to hate I now love
If I’ve never changed?
How is it that so many people have left me behind
If no one ever changes?
Is every “I love you” I’ve ever heard been a lie?
What if no one could ever love me
Once they get to know me?
What if I’m always the problem?
What if I’m the one keeping myself from happiness?
I hate questions that no one can answer.
I hate lies.
I’m afraid of love.
I’m afraid of being left behind.
I'm afraid of all the "what if's."
I’m afraid of everything I don’t know.
Questions scare me the most.
I’m too afraid to ask the ones that matter most.
I’m too afraid to answer the ones that hurt most.
All I want is answers,
But it’s all I will never have.
Another one of my,
Friends or co-workers,
Have moved on,
And left me behind.
He is one of a kind,
And I hope he enjoys,
His new job.
It pays better,
But it is more intense,
Than his last one.
He could use more money,
But he was gone so fast,
I did not have the chance,
To say goodbye or wish him luck.
We weren't very close,
But we knew each other,
And saw each other a lot.
I wonder if I will,
Ever see him again,
Will he remember me?
Found him awkward,
And hard to understand,
Or interact with.
He has some little quirks,
But underneath he is,
A good guy.
All will miss him,
Still we know,
He needed to,
Move on and leave us.
I could only say,
I wish he wouldn't of,
Just left and not tell.
I wish I had spent more time,
With such a unique person,
But now he is gone.