In that reversed place, I am Mara Vex, the part of me that never learned guilt. I move through ruins I made myself, laughing like a crack in the earth. I betray because I can, because the ache on someone else's face feels like sunlight on my skin. Every kindness shown to me is just a weapon handed over, blade first. I am hunger without end, a mouth that sings when everything falls apart. There’s no shame. There’s only more.

For you to be ever enough for him, love,

You will have to strip bare of every facet of your soul and

be nothing more than the fear coursing through your veins at just a mere glance.

But fear will never again be enough to bound you,

for it will seep out of the cracks in your shattered soul..

I feel like a paradox, torn between what i want and what i need, crave. I wanted to be something big, to reach a height where no one would dare to ignore nor scoff at me but all my heart ever have needed were the simple things, love, contentness, peace and joy at even the trivial moment , and those little things that awes me, filling me with wonder so profound that i stand there looking out at the world waiting for the breeze to lift me up from the ground with the curve of a smile at my lips, my heart filling with a warmth so elusive and ephemeral that it halts the world for a moment.…

I stop to stare at the golden sunlight seeping through the leaves, lighting up the world in a stunning gold. I wait to hear the eagles calling from a height i could never reach yet it fills me with happiness. I still at the sound of the night birds calling out at the velvety silence of the pearly black night. Yet with all this i am lost between what i want and what i crave. It is a dull ache in me that scrapes at my heart every now and then that makes me crave for more. I have strived my whole life for something that i can't even understand but long for it till my heart bleeds.

It may be cruel fate that brought us together,

It gave me hope and took it back without any mercy.

The first time I ended us, I blamed my cold dark heart

while I felt only numb,

The second time I did that, I drove a nail deep into my heart,

In the end, I had let one more person to stomp

on my bleeding, red-stained heart,

What a beautiful miserable fate…

Perhaps its pathetic that I am desperate to see you, that I need you with every fibre of my being. More than the need to be with you, its the need to quell the questions inside me that makes me desperate. Was my friendship ever worthy of you? You always reside in my thoughts, everytime I remember our conversations, I feel the need to come after you and ask for closure. We never dropped off one day, we just drifted apart slowly, rather than hold on like you promised you let me go. I just wish I could know somehow that you remember me now, that you miss me...

My chest burning with unspent emotions,

choked my voice;

Unspoken words residing inside me,

rot my mind;

Desperation clogging my heart,

made me dizzy;

But a part of me, broken but still alive,

reminded me, the simple pleasure of

being alive,

Tugging my lips into a bright smile

out of habit, further chipping away

my resolve to end it...My Life...

The worst thing about living your whole life tiptoeing around others and being wary of silence is that one day the control will snap and the fear that has controlled you each day will slowly transform into white-hot rage, not at them but at yourself for letting them ruin you.

And this rage will either destroy you or save you...

The cold seeped into her bones, dread roiling in her gut, as she waited for the Storm, which will pierce the silence that descended in the air. It came, the Storm, this time it left her gasping, she was given the ultimatum that she knew she will receive eventually..... How are you supposed to choose the person you love more, when you have never dreamt of a day they will fall apart? when you love them so fiercely, who will you chose to lose, who will you choose to be with?