Ralph was a good dog
He watched us play gin
and Dad pretend to get mad when he lost
I wrapped myself up in blankets through the New York winter
listened to the Beatles watched Howdy Doody
sat with Ralph and told him all my problems
and Ralph listened carefully, told me everything would be alright
and it was
Ralph was a good dog
In the days that I was in elementary school, each student had a desk with a top that lifted up and a space underneath to keep school supplies and assignments. My desk was usually so full of papers that I had trouble closing it. Finding a pencil or pen to write with was a constant challenge, as was listening and following directions. My teachers told me I needed to try to be more responsible.
In JunIor High School, I was frequently found in after school detention for not turning in assignments. In High School, I was also an underachiever, except in a couple of subjects that interested me.
ADD or ADHD just wasn't a thing in the 60's and 70's, so I was normally labeled as either lazy or, since I did so well on the standardized tests, as being just bored and not stimulated enough by school.
By the time I got to college, I was learning coping strategies. To read long assignments, I change positions constantly, walked around the room and sometimes sat on the staircase in order to keep focused.
Fast forwarding to the rest of my life, my forgetfulness has been chronic.
Just this morning, I carefully wrote down the size of our furnace filter and set out to our local supermarket where I knew they sold them. When I returned home an hour later, I had two newspapers, two ears of corn, a candy bar and a Starbuck's coffee but no furnace filter. At no time during my visit to the store did the original purpose of my trip occur to me.
Am I in the early stages of dementia? Probably not, since this sort of thing has been chronic through my life. Here is a short list of some things I have done:
Driven away from the gas station with the nozzle still in the tank.
Left my car running in the driveway, gone in the house and gone to bed,
Driven to a location, walked home and the next morning was unable to find my car.
Lost a countless number of baseball caps.
None of these can really be attributed to old age.
ADD has been an inconvenience to me, but I learned to cope and have a successful career.
A more recent challenge for me as I am aging has been depression and anxiety attacks, some of them rather scary. After refusing them for a long time, I have finally agreed to try a depression/anxiety medication. The medication is improving my mood significantly, but unfortunately, not my forgetfulness.
Stubb knew now what was coming, but be it what it will...
foul-ups, fails, flops,
debacles, disasters, malaprops
Great White Whales
he went at it smiling.
Perfecting the incandescent lamp,
Edison's resolve was iconic
I am a successful failure
Writing for me is ironic.
Pleasing no one with consistence,
smiling at least sometimes
I quit a poem about persistence,
making ridiculous rhymes.
So... break a dish, laugh out loud
make a wish, dance around
dip and bob, celebrate a lousy job.
Poem found in a ditch
Feel the rainbow
50% more electrolytes
Finger lickin' good
Good Deals on Food You Love
Expect more than coffee
No added MSG
Grimace's Birthday Meal
Open to better taste the feeling
That's what I like
Always smooth, always refreshing
French for Yum
Discover the Karma Difference
Don’t ask me why
It is an ache that comes from deep inside. I have to focus on breathing as a cloud of sadness, longing and regret overwhelms me. Sometimes I find a place to cry where no one can see or hear me because crying does help. Deep breathing can help. I don't want to talk about it or try to explain it or have someone ask me what do I have to be depressed about.
Door to door
For more and more New Mexicans, the purpose of a home seems to be to keep certain people out. Mi casa es su casa or Bienvenidos signs on peoples' doors are being replaced with Protected by the 2nd amendment or If you can read this, you are in range.
We have security cameras and alarm systems installed and we can check our front door surveillance from our cell phones. Anyone still making a living as a door-to-door solicitor has to be the bravest person alive.
The next time someone comes to your door, consider how brave that person must be. Also, consider the fact that anyone actually ringing your doorbell is obviously not trying to break into your house. So be respectful and polite and if it is a Girl Scout, buy some cookies. It is absolutely un-American to not buy Girl Scout cookies. Then lie on the couch and eat half a box of thin mints. Once you break open the plastic, they go stale really fast so don't take any chances. Eat them all, feeling safe and secure in a home that is protected by a fool proof security system.
Then sit and stare at the ceiling for a while and consider the plight of the Jehovah's Witness.
They always come in pairs and dressed professionally, like lawyers. All things considered, though, who would you rather have come to your door, two Jehovah's Witnesses, or two lawyers? Like lawyers, they usually lead off with a question, like "Will there ever be peace in the world?
One has to admit. They ask good questions. And they are brave. I agree with almost nothing they say, but we can at least agree on the weather and how we need rain and Selena's best song was "Dreaming of You."
And once there was one named Candy, who had the most beautiful brown eyes. She smiled seductively (I think) and asked:
Can anyone really know who wrote the Bible? My answer: no
Why does God allow the strong to oppress the weak? My answer: good question
What is the name of the scarlet colored beast of Revelation?" My answer: Gossamer?
Then Candy smiled again and read some Bible verses off of an iPad. She informed me that the correct answers were yes, original sin and the United Nations. I said I totally agreed and would she like to go out for dinner some time so we could talk more in depth about the scarlet colored beast but her partner, a tall grey haired man, said they had to be going now, grabbed Candy's arm and guided her down the sidewalk.
A classic scene of 1960's Americana is a Kirby Vacuum salesman, wearing a suit and tie and pushing one of those monstrous machines while a housewife dressed in high heels, a dress and an apron sits on the edge of the couch watching with interest. Among 1960's status symbols, owning a Kirby Vacuum ranked up there with a color TV, a station wagon and the thing I wanted more than anything, all 26 volumes of Encyclopedia Britannica.
As a child, I remember being totally captivated by the encyclopedia salesman who piled 26 volumes containing all the knowledge of the world on our living room floor. And all it would cost to have all the world's knowledge would be just the change Dad brought home in his pockets every day. I couldn't believe my mother sent them away. Never mind the fact that we lived directly across the street from the public library.
Today we literally do have all the knowledge of the world at our fingertips. So, just to prove how valuable the World Wide Web is, I decided to document everything I learned on the internet in an eight hour period. Here it is:
I scored 100% on the Nearly Impossible Knowledge Test, which means my IQ is around 160. But I still paid $20 in shipping and handling to get a "free gift" fitness watch. And I can't even figure out how to turn on.
My male celebrity soulmate is Jeremy Irons and my female soulmate is Alicia Silverstone.
If I were an Inside Out character, I would be Sadness.
If you dream about being afraid of heights, it could be because you are afraid of heights.
You can use Coca Cola to clean the toilet.
No other adult males have any friends either.
The pyramids were not actually built by aliens (darn it).
In 14 hours and 50 minutes, you can go from Virgin in Utah to Hooker in Oklahoma and visit Love's Travel Stop.
The worst excuse ever given for being late for work (until now, that is) was "I got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn't get out."
Until 1997, New Mexico was the only state to have a state cookie. That was the year Massachusetts selected the chocolate chip cookie.
Shortbread, biscotti and macaroon are all acceptable words on Scrabble but biscocho (or bizcocho) is not. Another slap in the face to New Mexico.
There are at least 14 kinds of tacos:
1. al pastor
11. frijoles/ vegetable
12. carne adovada
14. Taco Bell.
Actually, Taco Bell doesn't really sell tacos. Whatever it is that they sell, though, if you like, eat it. I am not going to judge.
I'm late for work, but oh well, if I get fired there's this job I found on the internet where I can work from home explaining the benefits of products to customers. No sales required!
Hi, Jamie no one showed up Saturday for the book club
I hate to send you this text because I know how much the club means to you.
Maybe it was me. When you host we have dozens. They hang on every word you say. With me they stare out the window and clear their throats.
Today, I sat at our table at Milagro Coffee Shop, but no one else came.
There was a gentleman seated at the next table who said “why don’t you come over and sit with me and we can talk for a while?”
I was a little uncomfortable but thought well maybe I can sign him up for the book club and I can report to you that we had a meeting after all. I got up and pulled up a chair at his table.
Then he said “You know I’m sorry for what I did and I still love you.”
Then he looked up and our eyes met. I told him although we had just met, I liked him a lot too. He looked somewhat alarmed and abruptly got up and left. Then I noticed the EarPods.
I decided to eat the chocolate donut he left on his plate.
So there was only this very attractive woman and I left sitting at the coffee shop and I walked over to her and asked her by any chance was she there for the book club and she said no, but I detected a great deal of sympathy in her voice so I asked her if she had ever read To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf and when she said yes, I said I was surprised since most people had never heard of that book and so then I asked her what did she think the boar’s skull symbolized and she said she didn’t remember that part of the book, so I explained it at length, giving appropriate citations from the text and this impressed her so much she was literally so speechless her jaw dropped when I asked for her email address so I could send her a paper I had written about Virginia Woolf while still doing undergraduate work. She must have appreciated the offer because she put her hand on her head and exclaimed “sweet mother of God.” Yes, I think it made a great impression and I may have recruited a new member for the club.
Unfortunately, she looked at her phone, said she had just received a message that her grandmother was dying and she got up and literally ran out the door. She left her danish on her plate and so I finished it for her.
Anyway, hope to see you at our next monthly meeting.
The angel plays für Elise
cries away the night
lying somehow to please
laughs away the night
loving under the moon
sings away the night
longing for a happier tune.
A child is born, named her Elise
laughing, she listens to her song
and sings along-- la la la la la la la la la
grows up fast, pierces her nose
moves to California, tats her calf
listens to the Arctic Monkeys
has a gazing ball in her yard.
Today is her birthday.
Alone in her chair, lonely Lacey listens
The angel plays für Elise
cries away the night