"Walking, pavement talking,

rundown sneakers on crumbled cement.

Knocking, raised hand shocking,

begging time for last month’s rent.”

Stumbling, stomach grumbling,

regretting all the money spent.

Crying, so close to dying,

praying softly to repent.

I sit there in silence

as all my memories fade

alone with my sorrows

and the mistakes that I made

Like wearing that shirt

with the top button undone

or rolling up my skirt

to cope with the burning sun

Oh the mistake that I caused

thinking they would listen

when they stare at my chest

is the only time their eyes glisten

And it's my fault for thinking

I had something worthy to say

when to them I'm an object

with which they can touch and play

Oh I swear that I'm talking

but they don't hear a sound

already imagining me with them

my clothes on the ground

And it's my fault for dreaming

that one day this would stop

when their eyes scan my way

I still feel my heart drop

Oh but please can't you hear me?

I'm screaming I swear

but men will never pay attention

unless your body is bare

The stars are the fading eyes

of gods we lost so long ago,

peering into our hearts and homes

through searing heat and raging snow.

Staring down at us on Earth

they laugh with twinkles in their eyes,

as we stumble about through congrete jungles

obsessed with our nine to fives.

Oh it is only alone outside

when you have left the city far behind,

that you can look up into the night sky above

and see a relfection of your mind.

They shine so far and so warm

that even the coldest heart may soften,

so please at night tilt your head up

and appreciate the stars more often.

I can't tell if I love you

or if I just want a way to spend my day

I don't know what I'm feeling

and I'm scared it's a price that you'll pay

what is love supposed to feel like?

I feel like if I'm in it I should know

but no matter how much I like you

I'll always wonder if I should go

I'm only good at writing heartbreak

but now I'm trying to move on

to follow the hope that I'm given

I'm working hard to be strong

but who will I be without the pain?

that has carved my flesh and bone

what if when my demons leave me

I find that I'm alone

I can feel your eyes staring at me as I pointedly stare at anything but you, fixating my gaze instead on a rather elephant shaped cloud. I watch it tumble and run with the breeze as your empty eyes bore a hole into the side of my head.

"Stay. I know I messed up but I'll make it better. I mean it this time, I can fix things - everything - for both of us. I love you." Your voice cracks as you rush through your words, the speech I can tell you mentally recited before speaking dissolves into ruin as you beg.

The elephant cloud is floating out of my field of view, and I wish more than anything that I could go with it, that I could run as fast as my legs would let me right across town to the ocean and everything that lays beyond, away from the park bench gluing down my legs, and most importantly away from you. My throat constricts as I try to speak, every fibre of my body desperate to wrench me away from the inevitable weakness of my guilty heart.

"Please."

I wince as you speak, the tremor in your voice as you mumble out one last plea closes my throat once and for all to prohibit any potential resistance.

"Of course." The words slip out through my gritted teeth that I've forced into an inhuman smile.

The feelings of suffocation intensify as you wrap your arms around me, and I stare over your shoulder to catch one last glimpse of the elephant cloud before it dissapears, taking with it my chance to escape.

You're not going to forget,

no matter how much you wish you would.

Memories are hard to shake,

you'd sell them in a minute if you could.

You will think about it less,

as time will slowly nurse your wounds.

You will forgive yourself forever,

and start to enjoy lazy afternoons.

And even when you remember,

and feel your heart grabbed in a vice of cold,

your panic attacks will subside

and you will find new hands to hold.

I'm not saying that it's perfect,

or that the pain will ever truly go away,

but eventually it will happen

when you forget to hurt for the very first day.