"I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you"-My sister to my brother

"I can explain it to you, that's my job, but what I can't do is understand it for you"-My teacher

"Silence is golden, and duct tape is silver."

"Babe you're like a fish, I'm not gonna judge you on your ability to climb a tree... What I will judge you for is your decision to keep climbing that tree despite knowing that you can't." -Me, always

"I do desire we may be better strangers" -W. Shakespeasre

“My parents hit me and I turned out fine.”

“Did you though ?”

(sarcastic eye squint )

“You're not bad-looking; you're really quite a pleasure to look at sometimes. Not now, of course, when you've been crying, you look like the very devil; but when you're all right, and quite yourself, you're what I would call... attractive.”

I'm Going To Put A Few Down....All Of These Are From Harry Potter!! Enjoy The Sass!!

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Harry: Yes

Snape: Yes Sir!!

Harry: There's No Need To Call Me 'Sir', Professer

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Vermon: Yes - Yes, Good Point, Petunina! What Were You Doing Under Our Window,

Boy?

Harry: Listening To The News

Vermon: Listening To The News! Again?

Harry: Well, It Changes Everday, You See

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Harry: Of Course We Still Want To Know You. You Don't Think Anything That Skeeter Cow—Sorry, Professor

Dumbledor: I Have Gone Temporarily Deaf And Haven’t Any Idea What You Said, Harry

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Dumbledor: My Own Brother, Aberforth, Was Prosecuted For Practicing Inappropriate Charms On A Goat. It Was All Over The Papers, But Did Aberforth Hide? No, He Did Not! He Held His Head High And Went About His Business As Usual! Of Course, I’m Not Entirely Sure He Can Read, So That May Not Have Been Bravery

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If one of my jokes offend you. . .

1. I'm sorry

2. It won't happen again

3. 1 and 2 are lies

4. You're a fool

When people tell me that they're spiritual, I'm like,

"DEMONS ARE SPIRITUAL. BE MORE SPECIFIC."

Unless your name is GOOGLE don't pretend like you know everything

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I thought you already knew.