I don't laugh. As a matter of fact, I can't laugh.
My world used to be a kaleidoscope of colors.
Every detail moved with crisp elegance.
Every change was more beautiful than the last.
Until my world shattered...
The orbs spilled and hid from my searching hands.
I lost all enjoyment of life.
Every bead was a memory.
Every color was an emotion.
The kaleidoscope was my life.
The day I held part of my broken pieces was the day I lost my voice.
Oh, how I miss the melody of my laugh.
Now, it's just a broken harmony.
I listen to other's laugh hoping it will return mine.
Except the only laugh ringing in my head is his.
Ha, ha, ha goes the enemy unseen.
Taunting me is his daily routine.
I feel ridiculous sitting in an airport trying not to laugh at my phone. In this game of checkers, you are constantly making me king you, and I hate it almost as much as I hate that I have to pretend I have malaria just to talk to you in public. Your lack of understanding that this is embarrassing only makes it worse. "You should smile!" you write, using tons of emojis to back up your claim. I roll my eyes. Your logic is only funnier, much to my dismay. "You need to smile! You have pretty teeth." "You would have drunk all of that Ensure for nothing." "Does anyone even care about you laughing but you? (and me but I just like fucking with you)"
I resolve to never look at anything you send me, knowing it will leave me looking like a moron for laughing in the middle of a non-funny situation. Yet, five texts later, I break my resolve, look at something else, and find myself "coughing" in public again. You little trickster! No matter how hard I try, you always manage to make me emote in public. Never have I been so out of control of my own emotions and I hate it. I hate you. I put my phone in my pocket and try to ignore the dings. Three in, and I can't resist. An inconspicuous YouTube link. My parents are distracted enough that I can take a peek at it, right? Wrong. I wish you'd understand how embarrassing it is for my parents to look at me like I'm crazy. But no, you just say to blame it on malaria, which makes me laugh again. I dislike you.
I am walking through the crowds of eternity. Where am I? I don’t know. I’ve been walking in this place for what it seems like Eons. My friends, family, all gone. I remember nothing. I can’t feel Joy, or Anger, or any emotion. I’m just... empty. My eyes are soulless, with not even a speck of color or hope. My soul is a blank canvas, only without the tools of Creativity. My mind is like a void, nothing in its confines. No life, no emotion, no people or memories... nothing. I wasn’t always like this though. I used to have a life, friends, family. My mind used to be chaotic and broken but at least there was something, even if it was painful. My eyes were like golden fire, Ember. I used to be the one who cheered up others and helped them. My soul used to be a rainbow, filled with every color and emotion to create a being of Creativity.
But... Life is unfair and Life is cruel beyond imagination. I had it all taken away from me, everything I valued in life. And now I’m here, broken and empty, slowly withering away.
Laughs are for the ignorant, atleast that is what I thought
Why did'nt I laugh more? I thought. Why did'nt I cry more? Why did I have to succomb to the feelings of others. Maybe its because I've had a hard life, or maybe thats just my poor excuse. I remember the day I last laughed, it was the day he died. He made me laugh my poor little brother why did he have to die. We were young, I was a depressed fourteen year old, but he was only twelve. We all thought he would pull through. He was the only person who could make me laugh, atleast laugh like I used too. But he's gone and I am soon to follow. I am sure he would have hated the idea of me never laughing again, but what am I supposed to do now without him I have got nothing to laugh about.
in my life, i have never once laughed
In my life, I have never once laughed. I am 50. This may seem crazy, but I haven't. I never see anything funny, only sad. I don't know what laughing feels like, only that it seems to hurt people, so it's probably best if I don't laugh. I have made it this far without laughing, so why start now?
It’s hard to spend your life with a mirthless one. There’s so much to laugh about in life. There are so many kinds of joy from silly, ribald, witty, jesty, to the sublime.
I like to describe them as curmudgeons. But calling them agelasts would be a bit confusing. You need to laugh to stay young at heart. However, there is a caveat. If you hang around them too much, you’ll become the agefirst. I don’t mean to prejudice you, but laughing does add extra years and spread sunshine. It takes all kinds to make the world go around, and perhaps I was a bit harsh.
Who knows what a person goes through that makes them not want to laugh? Be kind and compassionate to them, but if I were you, I would not marry one. However, if you can, do share a few jokes with them. You can choose a comedy career if you succeed in making one smile.
So, in my humble opinion, find a partner who makes you laugh and laugh with them. Laugh together, laugh through your cares. Keep loving and keep the laughs coming.
It’s no laughing matter, there are advantages being an agelast. When people get their kicks making cruel jokes and take pleasure in throwing barbs, you stand up for and be an agelast.
and oh, lest we forget, there’s one more advantage of an Agelast; a new vocabulary word.
Your Ma :-)
P.S. It just crossed my mind, but how does a lucrative agelist take his money? With all that easy outpouring, he doesn't laugh all the way to the bank?