Having some distance from writing this story, now, I am sometime soon going to edit it, likely with substantial changes. Once the edits are done, I will probably submit it to some sci-fi publications to see if it can stick, so I have removed the original draft from Prose - what I submit will not be the same story, but there will undeniably be overlap, and I do not wish the story to be classified as "previously published" because a draft of it remains here.
Many, many thanks to those of you who read it and commented on it. You workshopped it for me, and your incredibly helpful feedback will in no small part guide my revision process. Much appreciation.
What if we worked out.
What if we lasted.
What if we said 'I love you'.
What if we lived together.
What if we got a cat.
What if we fought about something I said.
What if I apologized.
What if we cried and made up.
What if I proposed.
What if you said yes.
What if our parents approved.
What if we got married.
What if we adopted.
What if we loved our two kids.
What if we watched them go on with there lives.
What if we grew old together.
What if I was the last one to say "I love you."
What if this all happened.
What if you loved me.
What if the world was
no need to fear
no cause to run
What if we didn't have to
What if we all stood
that haunt us
What if we
Took a stand
What if we looked at the
what we long for?
What if we all stopped waiting and acted?
What if we all accepted every flaw and every part of each other, to see the so obvious beauty we all posses? If we saw colour, and sexuality, and gender, but we didn't behave as if suddenly they had a different personality? A different set of jokes, or a different laugh. Everyone is trying to make it in the cold, cruel world. So why do we make it even harder? Instead of being so judgemental because of someone's appearance and words, consider if it's really fair to formulate how you think of someone's existance in a few seconds. Why shouldn't we give second chances. Third. Fourth.
It's hard. I know it is. Each situation is different. If it was easy and convient, we wouldn't be having this probelm. But even if people aren't loved, being accepted is alright. At least have indifference. Annoyed with me? It's because I was being annoying, right? Not because I'm a minority?
I hope we can come to love each other. To listen and give back instead of just take. The world is about to belong to you, and I'm trying to make sure one of us leaves it better than we got it. Honestly, it is a little late for me, but I'm passing on this message in hopes you can use it. We have so much potential. So many routes to explore and people to meet.
What if we we're all treated equal?
What if I had been enough for you?
What if I had loved you for you, not for what you did for me?
What if we weren't just lonely, latching on to whoever came close?
What if you had tried, for once?
What if we weren't such broken people?
What if, what if, what if...
What if I stopped caring about the past
and looked toward the future instead?
What if I never met you?
What if the pain never happened?
What if we could've made it work?
What if I hadn't told you?
What if I hadn't loved you?
Would I have be friends with you? Would I have fallen again? Would I be sad? Would I have grown as a perosn? I may hate the feelings you implanted in my mind, the constant fear of getting close to people, but I want to thank you.
Thank you for teaching me how to get over it. How to come out stronger. How to look back on those memories with a foundness rather than extreme bitterness. Thank you for meeting me.
I'd be impure with one touch.
Though I welcome it secretly,
I grip some white beacon
That has only become sacred
When other men looked at it.
Perhaps I will finally let go,
Finally let someone close enough,
To touch the forbidden thing,
Teach me to look at and love it,
And make me a real woman.
Yet the more I think of it,
The more my body trembles,
My brain begins to hyperfocus,
My imagination races and races
Into the possibilities of you and me
Both looking at the ground
To ignore the scars and mistakes
That decorate my birthday suit.
A part of me wants to stay this way,
Never touched, never exposed.
It is a lonely existence, though I know
Any exposing is a long way off,
As I can barely tell you that I like you,
Much less that I want you to have me,
To take the my hand in yours,
To wash the white from my dark skin,
And walk with me into adulthood.
A part of me wonders what happens
After you carry me over the threshhold,
And the newness of this life surrounds us.
My trust in you says you'll be there,
Letting my fear tense my palm around yours
Without a thought of pain or fear.
My fear in myself says I will be alone
In a ruined house that had long been left,
As you will eventually leave me,
Taking the token of my gratitude
And using it as a handkerchief.
Ther's no indication of any of that,
And yet, it's all I see when we talk.
If it was different
Perhaps time is the true enemy in our story.
If she had not loved you first,
Had not quenched your thirst
I’m sure we could get along.
I am the one who is truly sorry.
I have put thoughts into your head,
I have made you feel so dead
In hopes I would not sing a sad song.
What if things were different?
What if you could be mine,
And I didn’t have to pine
For any of your attention.
I hope I can make things coherent.
I can’t be yours,
Though my love pours
Out at your every mention.
It pains me to resist.
I have to set you free,
Go to her and not me
For she is the true match for you.
I must insist.
Though I may miss you,
I won’t cause you an issue
And finally wish you adieu.