Noo Yeer Rustitutions
(fur bist resultz, reed allowed)
Noomber won: Spel evryting i rite corectly.
Noomber too: Doo nut poonch anywon. Nut evin tat won kyd whoo hatez yoo.
Noomber tree: Rite evry dae. Nu ehkscuses (blez yoo).
Noomber fur: Doo gud inn voleybol. Joomp hye.
Noomber fyve: Wurk owut. Git ript.
Noomber sicks: Rite mye buk.
Noomber sivin: Reed lotz uv buks.
Noomber ate: Eet helthy.
Noomber nyne: Maak myesilf taaler.
Noomber tin: Doo nut pic mye fyngr nales.
Next year I resolve to be famous and clever
I’ll host lavish parties and be livelier than ever
You’ll hear all about me on the 10 o’cock news
The poet who furiously fought the deep blues
And squeezed ’til out popped a glorious muse
I’ll pen the story of the year and bow so deep
Money will rain fast and so many awards I’ll reap
Critics and shrieking fans’ll beat down my door
They’ll want to know my secrets and much more
I will laugh and my yacht’ll fade into the cool night
This adventurer is off to chase his dreams and write
Every December I look over the graveyard of last year’s resolutions. It’s strewn with the headstones of good deeds gone awry. A resolution to volunteer at the soup kitchen turned into an effort to learn how to make soup for myself. A resolution to go outside for fresh air led to more time indoors, googling places to hike. A resolution to watch less TV, turned into day-long binges of Netflix on the computer. Finally, I resolved to give that man on the the corner a dollar or two, but at the moment of truth remembered that I needed that money to buy ingredients for soup. The headstones of Resolution Cemetery are monuments to my selfishness and confirmation of my weakness.
This year I’ll be more careful, making resolutions that I can’t twist and morph into something detestable. Maybe I’ll resolve to walk past the gym on my way to the bar, and think to myself, “Good for them, getting in shape on a Monday afternoon. I’m proud of those strangers!” Or maybe I’ll stand in front of the low-fat selection of ice cream at the grocery store and resolve never to but that stuff, ever. Yes, I think this time next year there’ll be fewer gravestones in the resolution cemetery to mock my efforts. It’s going to be a great year!
New Year’s resolution
After years of trying (and mostly failing) to keep resolutions, I have come to the conclusion that the best thing is to not make any New Year's resolutions at all. That is the one resolution that I will keep.
Each year teaches us something new. Every year we laugh, cry, make mistakes, fall and pick ourselves up. This is how we grow. Each year is, therefore, beautiful in a way different from all the others. In 2019 I made some new friends and reconnected with old ones while certain people I had been close to, grew distant. But that is the nature of the caravan, comforting by its very inevitability. People come and go. I am thankful to everyone for all that they did for me and all that I learnt from them. Here's wishing you all a happy and peaceful 2020.
Success and hopefully more in the future?
I actually did keep my goal for 2019, which was to feel at least one emotion, and know I felt it. For 2020 I guess having a goal of increasing the number of skills I have in general, such as cooking and cleaning would be a good idea. And also socializing.