This hand is not my own

This body of flesh and bone

Is but a broken vessel

For you to take and nestle.

I feel torn apart

You’re always in my heart

Gnawing at me slowly

In future consuming wholly.

You’re all I’ve ever known

Better you than all alone

I don’t live without you

But still don’t Live with you.

Subtle, sticky, slick and sweet

Your tempting poison seems a treat

I will take your shadowed hand

And follow you to the demon’s land.

Devils blind my sight

Illusion of eternal night

Stealing my last breath

Dark angel of Death.

U: So, a demon challenge, eh?

G: Appears so.

U: Internal or external?

G: Closer inspection of the challenge suggests internal- though I’d have to say the two work in tandem should one or the other get a foot in the door.

U: Interesting. Are you sure you’re... ready to go there?

G: Sure? All I can do is start writing... I’m rarely sure, and certainly, this one makes me less so.

U: Why is that?

G: My demons... oh, yes, I have a few. The standard issue demons- insecurity, envy, rage, uncertainty, apathy... just to name those in mind at the moment.

U: Those are a few recognizable ones, yes. However, are you sure they are yours?

G: I still deal with them, even if it’s on a subscription basis, let’s say- I have something of a membership?

U: Why would anyone want that?

G: It’s not a matter of want. It’s a matter of constructs, a matter of recognition, a matter of continued... education.

U: Recognition?

G: Yup. It’s one thing to have a demon, or even a collection, it’s another to know the... face, name, whatever. Recognize = address.

U: And, are you ‘addressing’ your demons?

G: Well, er... You know, I wonder what it would be like if I woke up every day and said “Hallo Demons! What devious misunderstandings and over reactions do we have planned today?” I haven’t yet. I just muzzily hope they sleep longer than I do and then hope the coffee only works for me and I’ll get through...

U: Get through the day? A day without demons?

G: If I took the time to think about them BEFORE they manifested... perhaps.

U: But you don’t, correct?

G: Of course not. They become familiars after a time. “Aha!” I say, each time my rage gets loose. “Egads, well, at least it’s not nearly as strong” I say, each time I envy someone’s cool response when I trip on my tongue. Yet, it only happens after.

U: After you’ve raged, after you’ve torn yourself to bits because you don’t feel you’re good enough, after you’ve realized you are not ‘their’ cool, you are ‘your’ cool kind of thing?

G: Something like that. Yes. I’m all about hindsight, rarely about prevention.

U: Honestly, that’s a seriously human thing to be.

G: Yeah... it just, well, it doesn’t feel right. I mean...

U: You let a demon out there, you know.

G: Ah, yes. That one gets out a great deal. It’s the one with the straight jacket for thought. We’re old aquaintences now.

U: So... familiarity breeds... ?

G: Familiarity breeds familiarity. I know that demon is there- I know I’ll fall into the straight jacket again... just as I’ll fall in with Rage- one bad driver at a time, one idiot on a pulpit at a time, one ‘I should have freakin’ known better!′ at a time.

U: Do you like it? I mean, if you didn’t, you’d...

G: Change it? You were going to say ‘if it makes you uncomfortable, you’d change it’, or something, correct?

U: Your words, my dear, your words.

G: I think my demons are puzzles. Not that I’ve really ever considered puzzles overly intriguing, but these- well I must do, right?

U: You humans play the oddest games.

G: We do. We fall on our swords, we dance with our demons, we succumb again and again... and yet- we continue. One of these days, perhaps you’ll enlighten us as to why?

U: And take away your activities? Nah, you’ll get there eventually. It’s the journey, not the destination.

G: *Sigh* Just my luck, today the Universe is quoting memes...

U: Can’t make it too easy. Besides, those demons are craftsmanship.

G: You never do. Just, next time?

U: Yes?

G: Add some googly eyes or something to them.

Hearts house many things

Not all are fluffy dreams.

Some are the darkest beings

Demons dressed as sheep.

They dwell in broken children

Crying into the night.

Answering prayers for vengeance

Their darkness can only spread.

Bullies' words are their weapons

Weighted like sharp boulders.

Lashing out in violence

These demons scar another's life.

The blackest of evils

help those who cannot rise

Not with encouragement

But knives dressed as lies.

Sharpened by daily suffering

They seek out their vicious prey.

If only kind words were cheap

They might help save a life.

But hey, we're only human

And we all live in various strife.

The girl looked down.

People below her rushed around to various places, presumably hoping to accomplish some deed they had set their mind on. The icy weather assaulted them as the sun set, yet no one seemed to care.

The girl looked closer.

Their faces were red and cheery. Smiles formed on their lips, creating a warm atmosphere despite the snow. It was Christmas Eve, after all; who wouldn’t be happy? Noise rumbled among various buildings, attracting families of different kinds. They must have wanted to create some memories for the years to come.

The girl looked, but did not understand.

They were lying. Every single one of them. The world was only pleasant in fantasies. For, when you turned to face reality, you would be abandoned. Left lonely and miserable with nothing and no one to lend a hand, you would finally understand. That was the truth of this world- nothing more, nothing less.

The girl looked at the concrete below.

An end to the cruel fate she was destined to live through. A twisted escape. A wonderland she saw in dreams. The liars could keep refusing the veracity of existence. They could keep pretending they would never betray one another. It didn’t matter to her, because she wouldn’t be there to see it all collapse.

The girl looked down, but she didn’t look back up.

Her inner demons are raging,

Struggling to break free.

Hungry for lust,

Thirsting for ecstacy,

Coveting for a voice,

Once considered as white noise

Barb wires cover her soul

Imprisoning her buried lucifer

Weary of norms that decipher

Good and evil.

Its time to rebel,

And wage hell.

Angels hushes the roaring spirits,

Chastises the fallacious calling,

Reminds her of the image

Of purity she portrays.

Recalling her innocent ways.

Evil ramblings turn to a whisper,

But fury in her eyes still linger,

Another day...

Another time...

#innerdemons

Easy paths in life only give in the moment delusions, a quick fix to the present tense.

Why is the comfortablility of the past such a lingering curse? Is it because the road with all the obstacles and detours have more struggles and consume to much energy and effort?

Unfortunately, if the road comes to easy to go down, it usually means the life ahead won’t be fulfilling or amazing. Success and true happiness doesn’t come from sitting in treading waters, or stepping backwards, it comes from the inner strength to keep pushing forward.

No one said this path is easy, it will never be as simple as 1,2,3 or A, B,C.

The obstacles, the ups, the downs, and struggles won’t always be waiting there with an instant gratification.

There will be moments of weakness, you’ll want to break down revert back to what you know; self-destruct, and even want to say screw this world.

But know this, in the end you’re never alone, I’ll be there for you.

I’ll be by your side through the good and the bad.

I’ll be there whether you’re happy or sad.

I’ll be there when the sun is shining bright and I’ll be there through the darkest days when your sitting in fright. I’ll be you’re strength when your weak, to help push you to your highest peak.

I’ll be here to pull you out of the hole, because you’ve already begun to capture this soul.

When you turn to look around on the darkest days, and you’re looking around for an outlet- who can you turn to? A path of destruction leads to not having anyone there, besides a quiet surrounding of cold and gloom.

So at times, we choose to say screw it and try hard to not fall into footprints of the past.

This struggle is real, this struggle is painful, this struggle is hard.

You have to know, though its not an easy trail, I’ll be here when you start to get frail.

I’ll be by your side through the good and the bad.

I’ll be there whether you’re happy or sad.

I’ll be there when the sun is shining bright and I’ll be there through the darkest days when your sitting in fright. I’ll be you’re strength when your weak, to help push you to your highest peak.

I’ll be here to pull you out of the hole, because you’ve already begun to capture this soul.

I’ll exhaust my energy, I’ll pull you through, I see your good, and want you to know that when there’s no one else around, because they are all still sitting on the easy path, I’ll always be here to pull you through.

I’ll be by your side through the good and the bad.

I’ll be there whether you’re happy or sad.

I’ll be there when the sun is shining bright and I’ll be there through the darkest days when your sitting in fright. I’ll be you’re strength when your weak, to help push you to your highest peak.

I’ll be here to pull you out of the hole, because you’ve already begun to capture this soul.

Remember, I’ll always be here for you!

#addiction #Loneliness #demons #hardship #unconditionallove

“Ha ha! Loser girl got a new hair cut!”

I sat in the nook of my favourite tree. It was recess. I tryed to b,ock out their tuants. I tried! I felt like yelling and screaming. I has always knowen I was different. The bullies nevr told me otherwise. My parents had died when I was 5. They had this neclace they left me in their will. They said it would keep me safe as long as I was wearing it, but they nevrer said what it would keep me safe from.

“Loser girls alone again! She has no friends! Loser! Loser! Loser!”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” I scream.

“I have had enough!” I shout.

“You guys, all of you have been tormenting me all year! I have had enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I tear the locket my parents left me from my throat and the moment I do my toes start to tingle, then my legs, my tummie, my arms, and all the way up to my neck and head.

I have finally let my demons out.

Let me mark the pages

of your anger.

The counting of phrases

which represent

your discontent.

The times when I

attempt to sense

your disappointment.

The moments when

I realize,

here it is...

Me, I think.

A missing link

of understanding.

Why?

Why do I displease you?

Is there a way?

For you to know

that I am being

washed

away?

I lay, on my back, crushed by the weight of a man, a lover supposedly. I stare at the ceiling, off white and cracked, black mould grows around the edges. I want a smoke, a shower, I want to be left alone. I pity him really, he wants so badly to reach me but there's nothing left to reach. After a while I shove him away from me, tell him to piss off. He leaves without a word, small mercys. I think I am crying but it could just be sweat. I am alone again, I wish I wasn't. A lonesome soilder against the invisible menaces of this room, visions from the past swarm about me. Promiscuity can exhange them for emptiness, I am not sure which I prefer. I smoke, I fill my head with green mist, I am comfortably numbed. I fall asleep, to face the same torments another day.

Anteros looked upon the two lovers and became so bewildered over the intense love they shared. Alas, he couldn’t do anything. Zeus once split humans into two, and they would all forever wander around in search of the one they loved, so dearly. These two souls were in the same predicament. Haunted by past loves, but intertwined with their pure and luminous cynicism. He knew that they could never be together in this time, but in the life, they live after this one they may. In another world, when their lives weren’t taunted by past regrets. In another world, where their destiny wasn’t sealed in the fate of the stars.

- k.m

[@k.m on instagram]