I’m Never Alone, I’m just Lonely; Cause Loneliness is Always With Me.
Spending nights with my pillow
Soaking it with tears and sorrow
Staring at myself for hours
Trying to heal all the invisible scars
Letting my heart cry out
Silencing my unheard shout
Hiding the tears behind my eyes
Faking a smile to cover my lies
Waking up every morning, without having slept
Remembering the secrets I have kept
Going around all day as if it’s fine
Laughing those laughs which are never really mine
Hanging with people who don’t really care
Yes, so many people but this pain no would share
I’m feeling so much that I feel empty
Surrounded by people, but from the heart there is no one I can see
Walking back home with a broken heart
Wishing an end for this story that start
And reaching back, with a thousand things to say
But everyone has already walked away
I looked around
I wanted to disappear, but actually I wanted to be found
And then again, curling up in bed, hoping my heart, never again beats
But this pain never goes, this pain just repeats
But, now again, the nights are here to hear me screams
And the mirrors waiting to steal my dreams
The pillow is ready to be drowned
And the scars are waiting to be found
The pain is waiting to roll down my cheeks
And then come out as shrieks
But who dose care; no one is here to see
No one to notice what loneliness dose to me
Solitude is bliss, but loneliness a curse
Cause solitude comes from self and loneliness from others
And they say to live you need water, food and air
But ask my murdered heart who has got everything but love and care
Loneliness doesn’t really have a colour; it’s like a black hole inside
Or perhaps a place where I could hide
Don’t say you were there, because you left me alone
Don’t say you brought tape, because my heart was still torn
My heart that is broke now can’t be made
The smiles that covered the pain, have started to fade
You’ll not know how I’m being killed from inside
You’ll not know how many tears I’ve cried
You won’t know how bad you hurt me
I’ll never let you know I’m lonely
It’s not my fault you didn’t hear my cries
If only you would have read my eyes.
But I’m never alone, I’m just lonely
Cause loneliness is always with me.
down forsaken road
of bruised loneliness
between screaming voices
in the distance.
shadowy grey figures
just out of reach
for a tomorrow
of lifting clouds
for a connection
I stumble upon
Leave Me Lonely
My soul feels empty
My metaphorical heart is wrenched from me
There's a weakness
Throughout my body
Emotion sucked from me.
As you sit punching virtual buttons for virtual friends.
Just emptiness and a certainty that you won't leave me,
That leaves me lonely.
Loneliness is the color of the ocean, a deep, sad blue, gnawing at you from the inside like a virus you can do nothing to stop until it consumes you whole. You think you’ve escaped, found some real friends, but in the end, it’s always there, a twinge in the back of your mind. Loneliness is when no one understands you, when no one cares, nobody to relate to you, when you stand among so many people yet none of them truly get it. It’s when all anyone can focus on is their own problems, how they forget you and say your issues are small in comparison, thus not worth the time to fix, because nothing can fix you, to them you are nothing, nothing but a loser who deserves what she got. You want desperately to join those people who keep rejecting you, but maybe it's your pride holding you back, because you know that regardless of what you do, trying to fit in is fighting an uphill battle that will always end with you alone.
Glass Ball Shattered…
Gray is the day that breaks me out of my Glass Ball existence – breaking, shattering irrevocably the transparent walls that have kept me safe, kept me isolated, kept me whole.
Broken, yet finally aware, I wake up and sort myself out from the shards of my former life. I can’t go back now – can’t put the pieces back together, for they would never hold me now.
I step out, shaking and trembling, as the very filaments of my being for the first time begin to feel what it IS to feel.
I step. I falter. I fall...
Bruised, but determined, I get back up, press on and test my newborn legs.
A thrill of change ripples through me – a river of incongruency and imperfection that in its flaws achieves a beauty far superior to my Glass Ball life.
Yet it brings with it a tinge, a cringe, a twinge of a pain that hides its face and refuses to be named.
Am I lonely? Do I miss my Glass Ball life?
These feelings are new to me, too pristine for me to know how to understand them.
Before, everything was black and white, day and night, darkness and light.
Now, I don’t know good from bad, glad from sad, sad from mad.
But now I can feel… something.
I have no name for it yet, but it is finally, imperfectly and yet perfectly real.
#lonliness #rebirth #escape
My soul does not know loneliness; in solitary times, I dream. Since I was A young child, I’ve treasured hours unseen. Hidden beneath the shrubbery, I’d visualize junGles lush. Explorations led by me; my enemies I’d crush. Never wanted, never needed, never wished for more. PrEcious time for thoughts and me; imagiNings explored. Loving fanciful lonely times, always, Then and now. My color for strength and creativity? To wild mAgenta, I bow.
Coal Mining Camp Ghost Town
Low lantern light; long shadows
On the tent of loneliness.
Near a waning fire;
Eerie eve’s envelopment.
Loop of swarming silence
Infestates mind’s forest floor;
Nocturnal navigates my soul —
Echoes coal cavern core.
Serenading sonnets sought to
soothe my solemn fate.
Solitude soon stakes its claim
and weighs heart’s saddened
In the family room we sit on a warm brown couch,
Christmas heat nearly singeing still-green needles,
in a house where the rooms are always too cold
for grandparents, frail and loved.
I am listening as Uncle Bill brags about
Danny and Model UN, Noah and AP Chemistry,
Mom asks someone to pass a slice of pie, please,
Gran Rie compliments Aunt Maureen on the nice chardonnay,
and I am listening to love, love glowing out
of warm swirling ornaments, and I want more than anything
to stuff them into my mouth, their joy and their color,
I want to swallow them shard by effervescent shard,
jaw crunching up down bone china teeth cutting into
leaden silver glass and gluey sparkles,
a mortal metallic rhapsody.
I want to feel warm crimson trickle into pink gums and
in the cracks between my teeth,
down my tongue down the ruby throat
that doesn’t feel like my own.
I want something alien to strangle silence,
to mutilate me into a breathtaking empathic and
instead I sit in that stifling family
room mute, smiling and furious
at those innocent hollow globes that will not transform me,
that will climb back blameless into quiet cardboard boxes,
and at the end of the evening I will shatter one on the floor