the essence of a heavy soul, set in a whisper too loud to swallow
the deepest encounter with your own thoughts
while you can’t run away from a cold
that turns into a pain,
a freezing disaster that causes a flood
drenched in sorrow that escalates
until your lungs threaten to burst,
an ache that slowly destroys you
but doesn’t take you in,
it only holds you down
so you don’t remember what it really means to breathe
The flames in a fireplace
Engulfing you whole
Burning you alive
Flame has no choice
As it's purpose is to destroy
Leaving a dark charcoal path
The scent of burning in the aftermath
That is what anger is like
The desperation of drowning
In a vast ocean
No one there to hear you
No one acknowledging
The fact that you are dying
So to save yourself
You unconsciouslessly beat the water
But to no avail
As it takes hold of you
That is what anger is like
The avalanche falling
Finally giving in to gravity
Rolling down the mountainside
In violence and chaos
No logic to its movement
No thoughts for the creatures murdered
Leaving a carpet of disshelved trees
Anarchy and ruin
That is what anger is like
As the words ring through the air
I stand, completely frozen
I hide my eyes with my hair
They are undeterred by the notion
I wring my hands
Twisting and twisting
This wasn’t in the plans
This wasn’t what I was thinking
My face heats up
As I internally beg
For silence to startup
What am I doing with my leg?
Moving up and down
As I feel my body quaking
My face folds into a frown
Why do you say that?
I asked, unable to comprehend
They didn’t answer, they just spat
Seems their evil is a permanent trend
My heart beats faster
As my palms get sweaty
My tongue feels like plaster
What they said feels heavy
Even if they forgive me
Those words will always scar my heart
Even if they cannot see
The wounds that make it art.
It feels like plummeting straight
To the bottom of a vast ocean
The waves are unbearably dark,
Like a long, unforgiving night
They crash back and forth,
In the bleak, crushing vortex of life
Relentless pressure bears down,
A pair of fangs breaking everything apart
It feels like drowning,
Almost a watery grave
Tendrils of ocean wrapping around,
They'll never let you go,
Holding you in their dim embrace,
Your imagined prison is inescapable,
The emotion within you,
Arriving without notice
A blanket soon enshrouds
Draws in on itself, recluse,
From noise, the light, and crowds
Sun shifts its position
Memories follow; footsteps
Walking ’cross the muddied soil
Where darkened clouds are windswept
Flowers wilt; slow motion
Fragile, the heart beats
And seizes in the frost
Lost of color like the leaves
Music fades away
Heart strings; some flat, some
Quiet soon ensues
Feeble words are seldom spoken
Parting in its time
The soul changes its season
Melting like the snow
All that’s hardened from the freezing
The weight, for now, has lifted
Seeping deep into heart’s urn
In the storms, will soon return
Emptiness. Within my chest, engulfing me. I know that it’s a phase and this time will also pass but for now it’s just me, alone in this self-made prison of mine. I want someone to be here, to soothe me,to hold me, just to give me company; but there is no one here.
After a month of being content the space he left in me is apparent. It hasn’t been long but I can feel the darkness and the dull ache which isn’t painful but is constant. It was innocent, slight touches and small talk, yet his last written words left a hole that grows with every picture I look at and every moment I reminisce.
It was a promise with no agreement, a contract with multiple flaws, a mistake in a masterpiece...and I knew, but I still got attached.
Now this phrase of his plays on repeat in my mind and it’s the cause of this black hole that grows bigger within me.
”I am missing you a lot...”
You see him walking down the street,
Follow him quickly but make sure he can’t see.
His strides are long and his muscles tense,
You hide behind a bush—he can’t spot you but he can sense.
He treads more quickly
Your heart pounds more, threatening to break out of your chest and flee.
His hair looks soft and his smile is wide,
You look at your lover with a sense of pride.
How kind he is, effervescent and strong.
Indubitably, clearly, he cannot do wrong.
The epitome of perfection,
He requires your love and your eternal protection.
You inch closer to his house and creep along the side.
He enters his room with fear on his face.
Your face lights up. “I love you,” you proclaim.
He runs to the entrance and tries to escape,
You move with confusion—why is he running from fate?
All it takes is a grab.
He struggles too much.
You’re forced to stab.
Both of your bodies fall through empty space.
“Who are you?” He asks, his voice with a tremor.
Your face turns red—he ignored your endeavors?
“I gave you those flowers, the chocolates, the notes.
I loved you for years,” you caress him and gloat.
“Spare me,” he says.
You swing at his head.
Sweet blood runs down his temple. Your beloved is dead.
Alas, he is gone—but your love is forever.
You lean down, weep, and kiss the blood dry.
There is work to be done now, no moment to cry.
You drag him home and place him at the altar,
Recite solemn vows devoid of a falter.
You slip on a ring,
One each on your pale and his blueing fingers
Embrace your husband, your master, your king.
Obsession, an emotion with which corpses lie.
Can't stay still, can't be bored, can't close your eyes.
Keep moving, keep doing, keep producing.
Sleep is for the lazy, best chase your prize.
Ignore the slowing of time, keep trying.
When sun runs out, the moon will be rising.
Keep scratching that itch and hope it will pass.
Fill the void, the hours, with task after task.
Wish to God you could sit, relax, and breathe.
But there's plenty to do, get off your ass.
No break from its hold, forget a reprieve.