His knee is on my chest, and his left hand holds both of mine pinned above my head. And for a second as his eyes meet my wet ones I think he’ll loosen his grip. His mouth comes close to mine, and I think that he’ll remember everything I’ve ever made him feel. I think that I can feel his heart beating in time with my own. I think he must feel it too. He’ll remember that I am already his. He’ll remember that I’m his, and it’s unnecessary to take. Instead his right arm wraps around my waist and flips me onto my stomach. I struggle to pull away without hurting his feelings. I love him deeply. Insatiably. Irrevocably. I want to be able to give him everything he wants. Even when it’s not what I want. And though I pull away my confusion limits my strength. My face buried in the pillow limits my breath. He yanks me from the bed and onto the floor pulling a down comforter with me. It wraps around me straight-jacket like. And even if he wasn’t stronger, I love him. And no one tells you how much harder it is when you want to be able to say yes even though your insides are screaming out to say no. My voice is broken. And my eyes must be too. Because the tears never stop. And I swear I say no. And he swears that I didn’t. All I know is a white blanket wrapped around me holding me down, a wooden floor bracing against me, and an open window sending snowy air into the warm room. All I know is I cry until I vomit. And he strokes my sweaty forehead with confusion etched on his handsome face. His mouth trying to kiss away all of the pain he’s caused me. And I want to run. But terrified and exhausted I sleep in his arms. Terrified and exhausted I wake in his arms. Terrified and exhausted I return over and over. Terrified and exhausted. And I think I’ve forgotten how to sleep now.

#EndTheSilence

language

under construction

has seldom

been an obstruction

in the blink

of a while I've been

gifted to fill

blanks and lift

the tongue tied

but not 

every 

time

is one 

so lucky

as to unfurl

from the heavens 

its half finished

thoughts...

an unresolved

thundercloud

of jumbled letters

is raining doubts

while I am parched

and left without

though I've knocked

and smiled too loud

an outage turns 

the alleys back

and the vintage street

keeps its mysteries 

locked and latched!

where is the precious  

conversion stone

from which we've

learned to read 

and infer?

...the albatross

upon the lanyard 

around the neck

is gone and in

the absence of a key

the portal to my

understanding

is lost and 

blocked

#breakingpoint #challenge