Care Without Definition
A friend lives in a different world,
where everyone loves the same.
He comes out and tells you,
scared you will put his name to shame.
Show him that you love him,
no matter the brim or bray.
Show him that you care for his life,
No matter what others might say.
Be a true friend and open your mind to
all that that word dwells.
Hug your friend and be near the phone,
just in case things don't go too well.
They say, they say: love at first sight. Or,
My eyes met yours and I knew that home could wrap me in their arms. Or,
Your touch was lightning and my heart thunder and we were a storm I didn’t think I’d weather. Or,
Bodies, much like moons and planets and hot stars, have their own gravitational pull.
love is not a decision. Love is an instant, a flash of time where two strings are irreparably knotted.
a bit of you recognizing a bit of them and saying,
there you are,
I’ve found you.
no one can devalue a love that
had no boundaries
in the first place.
I would not treat them as if they're a different person, because they're not. They're the same person I have always known and loved. I would assure them that nothing will change, and that I will stand by them when ignorance gets in their face. I'd also let them know that they deserve to love whomever they chose, and that the person they decide to love will be lucky to have them!
- Well... I'm... I'm gay.
- I know I shouldn't have said anything, forget it.
- Stop doing that! Say something or leave!
- Sorry. I was just evaluating the potential impacts, of this new piece of information on our relationship.
- I can't see any. If you were prettier, I would say less competition for me in the dating department, but you already saw your face in a mirror so you know you never really were.
- You're stupid! Remind me why am I friend with you again?
- Easy, we just established I'm tolerant. I'm also nice, funny, smart, beautiful and most of all modest. Can we go eat now or do we have to shed tears of joy and hug first?
- Shut up and lead the way. At least with your mouth full, you can't talk.
- Challenge accepted
What would you say...?
...I wouldn’t say anything to someone coming out as homosexual, bisexual, or transgender...
...rather I would nod politely and grasp their hand, as in my understanding, it’s physical reassurance that is needed here instead (to show acceptance) at this critical moment where a person “coming clean” may feel like a social contagion or leper facing potential emotional rejection...
Then, I’d add: “Hey brother, sister, amiga, amigo! let’s go, we’ve got sh*t to do....” and redirect us to whatever pursuit it is that forms the basis of our common-ground. If the individual wanted to talk about anything further, my presence would hopefully encourage their confidence; if not, I would respect their privacy and accept their silence.
...to someone who might come out and declare their interest/attraction, words would be inevitable. As this has happened to me, I can reiterate the unhypothetical scenario. I said simply the truth: ”...thanks. I appreciate that you like me. A nice compliment, but I don’t feel any attraction to you, or to women in general. Please don’t feel awkward, I like you; we get along well. Really, thanks for your honesty!”
...And what did she say? She gave me her entire view on the subject of homosexuality... a fascinating conversation. For it’s initial awkwardness, I can say for myself that I walked away richer having heard someone else’s perspective... She said that she has many friends and relatives who have come out in the community, and that she has found that in most cases homosexuality is a choice, not an imposed life sentence.
She said she herself has chosen a lesbian lifestyle because her ex-husband so disgusted her that she feels she could never love a man again. I was sorry that she was badly experienced, and had closed her heart like this (because her husband is after all not every-man). However, I do not know what her marriage was like, nor what it was about him specifically that traumatized her, and I don’t condemn her for the choice she’s made. It is her own private matter.
As to “gay marriage,” I have had the experience of acquaintances coming up to me and announcing to my surprise that they just got married... and I shook their hands and gave them all the customary congratulations and well wishes due on such an occasion. From my observation, marriage is rough, in any configuration, and adding a label in front of the word to brand the thing as white, black, gay, straight, or religious, really bothers... it’s either marriage or it isn’t... I admire a pair’s commitment and willingness to go through Life together.