I wish my anger was of the healing kind,

not a force shredding my soul

a sharp blade piercing my skin

every time you forget

your bruises

and bones broken

happily falling off a cliff

of what you think is real

I can feel the rage clouding my mind

and the sharp pain under my ribs follows,

makes my eyes tear up,

the blade goes in deep

I'm tired of picking you up

from the ground,

I am tired of being the glue

to your heart

What's the point?

What's the meaning here?

and yet,

after all, said and done

I can only find my way to you

I would leave

but I can't,

I struggle to keep you warm

but my body is so cold

It falls apart

every time you jump off that cliff

hands spread out,

a smile of hope on your face

Can't you see that there are only

rocks there waiting?

there is no flow of love

to keep you intact

please don't go there again,

please stay here,

with me

I'm tired of being the glue

to your heart

when my own started to fall apart

Christmas came to my family, my house.

My daughter and her boyfriend had been duking it out.

Being scared for her, I told her to move in with me.

Her, my four grands and a christmas tree.

A two bedroom apartment, all living under new rules.

Didn't make it comfortable for the family that moved.

Me being used to a clean house and a peace of mind.

Was changed and re-arranged to a stressful kind.

I wanted to leave and never come back.

I wanted to let them stay and I gather and pack.

But I let go and let God and we gained common ground.

Now we all get along, we have all settled down.

I step into the building

They don't know how I feel

So many people walk around

Voices roar in crowds

My worst nightmare

Claustrophobia

Fear

Anxiety

Heart is racing

Palms are sweaty

Loss of breath

But they don't see it

I stay quiet

I try to be calm

I try to be normal

Even though I want to run away

To find some place quiet