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Comedy
Challenge Ended
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Ended June 24, 2018 • 9 Entries • Created by Harry_Situation
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Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Profile avatar image for BonnieBoo
BonnieBoo in Comedy
83 reads

Did the priest really just say that?

“Bless me father for I have sinned

It has been 6 weeks since my last confession.”

“Ahhh, It is good to see you again Patrick Murphy

I am pleased to know you have come to repent......

Since God is a loving God and I as his son must be honest

I know why you are here again. The sin of gluttony.

I could smell that Italian hoagie you just devoured before you even entered the church.”

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Challenge
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Cover image for post Team Flash!, by Mnezz
Profile avatar image for Mnezz
Mnezz in Comedy
92 reads

Team Flash!

Priest~ (Sighs) Okay! Let’s get this over with quickly. Shall we?

Maria~ (in confusion) I haven’t even began my confession yet_

Priest~ I’m sure I have heard it before. Go in peace. And try not to commit the sin, again.

Maria~ (Gasps) But...

Maria steps out of the booth, and shakes her head.

Priest draws the curtain. Takes a quick glance around the cathedral.

Priest~ Finally. She’s gone. Now I can get back to watching the show. (Squeals) Come on Barry, Run! You’re the fastest man alive. Yeah! (Claps his hands).

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Challenge
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Profile avatar image for GlassDragonfly
GlassDragonfly in Comedy
69 reads

Confessional

"Turns out by the time I stabbed Murphy you had already poisoned him, so I was let off with a warning."

"You're supposed to be the holy one, padre! What about Thou shalt not kill?"

"Technically speaking, I didn't. You did."

"But I'm safe because of the seal of confessional, right? You can't divulge anything I said while I was in here."

"Nary a word shall pass these lips, you may rest assured."

"Whew, that's a relief."

"You may, however, wish to take a moment to consult with the police sergeant standing outside with his ear pressed against the door."

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Challenge
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Profile avatar image for AJAY9979
AJAY9979 in Comedy
42 reads

Graffitti on the Walls of the Church

Forgive me Lord, but I hate my job.

I mean, I bumped and grinded and ate a few asses in my days but these little horny fuckers are disgusting.

I think I need a vacation.

A mother confessed to leaving her child in random places on several occasions just to film people’s reactions.

Today, a three yer old came in and shat on the seat thinking it was a bathroom. When I told him not to do that, he said God really shouldn’t watch everything we do.

I think I’m gonna quit. I’ll see you at the bar tonight, Lord.

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Challenge
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Profile avatar image for PeteS
PeteS in Comedy
71 reads

The Confession

Entering the darkened church from July’s sunshine splendor outside, my eyes were useless. Weary from travel, out of practice in Catholicism, I made my way toward darkened cubical shapes at the chapel’s side.

Sitting, I heard a voice come through the wall.

“Is someone there?”

“Yes,” I croaked back, lifting my water bottle to wet my throat.

“Forgive me father, I have sinned,” the voice commenced while I drank, “I have killed again since my last confession.”

My eyes wide, heart racing, water spilling, I yelled, “Wrong side!” as I ripped aside the curtain and dashed out the cathedral door.

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Challenge
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Profile avatar image for SJTaylor15
SJTaylor15 in Comedy
47 reads

Forgive me father

For I have sinned too.

Judge not this child any harsher than you

Judge me.

We are all frail.

We all fail.

Help us to be better.

Rather than punishing us for our sins.

Amen.

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Challenge
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Profile avatar image for karshu
karshu in Comedy
77 reads

Is it true child?

Karshu: Father, i have sinned

Priest: how, child?

Karshu: i have read so many books

Priest: was it porn?

Karshu: no, it was mills and boons, father!

Priest: did you meet a tycoon?

Karshu: (sobbing) oh, yes, father

Priest: then did you only kiss?

Karshu: (laughing) oh father, i was his mistress!

Priest: it is a sin child!

Karshu(hysterical) iam bearing his child, father

Priest: oh, child, we'll have a christening!

Karshu: How can i forgive him, father?

Priest, say Amen, child!

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Challenge
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
Profile avatar image for hexacam
hexacam in Comedy
54 reads

now i ra amble about

mowing the lawn

priest in the screen consoles me says

wasnt in the faith the faith no path but it’s okay

says and his face haggard and his mouth wide and dry lips, i feel the way his skin would shhhhhhkkkkk gaunt against mine

remember kneeling and mention it and he says

you know i

did some bad things to my kids

didnt teach them how to love

wasn’t in the faith no faith but

shhhhhhhhhhkk

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Challenge
Weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional.
What are some of the weirdest things to hear from a priest inside a confessional during confession? Write out a short scenario, or make a list if you wish.
melbroms in Comedy
34 reads

No matter what you have completed, nor accomplishments. No matter how many friends you make nor how many people love you. No matter how much right you have done nor deeds you have completed. You have made mistakes. You have failed. You have broken someone's heart.

We are all the same. For us to judge someone for their faults; think twice.

Not one drop of rain can create a garden. It takes care, committment, understanding, patience, deterimination and replenishing encouragement of growth.

We can only blossom if we encourage each other to reach for sunlight.

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