I wait patiently for a chance

for our hearts to quiver,

spasmed together.

Boldly, I want you in my life.

I stuff the sadness

of your absence

in my right front pocket,

taking it out once in a while

to ingrain you in my mind.

Is this the beginning

or the end

of our existence?

We are braided

closely together,

no matter how far

the ribbons unravel.

We both seek

the worlds in which

we are not,

wanting to tear

down the walls,

living for days

within our sanity.

Yearning, I touch

the glass window,

seeing to break

in pieces

the harsh reality

of you on the other side.

We are 50 struggling steps

beyond our time,

an allegorical street away

but there are no paths

connecting.

Striding down lonely roads

accompanied by hordes

of anxious souls,

my heart is heavy

without you

in my long tunnel

of disquiet,

a blinding haze.

I ran to hug you once

but you were only

lingering in my dreams.

The measure of distance

dashed in futility

on threatening rocks.

My body crumples

like scratch paper

without the pen

of you

inscribing our story.

I delete

my stark emotions

and slip beneath

the crying water,

wishing to embrace,

rather than imagine,

what could be

but never was.

And so, my love

we parted

before we began.

Nothing will ever hurt me more than yesterday. It was perfect. I remember my touch upon your skin, tracing your pefect curves. I laid there beside you praying that this night would not end. Hoping for a miracle. I wish I had gone to sleep.

Because only 6 months ago I ran into you for the first time. Although I felt I had known you for so much longer. I could feel my soul yearn for yours and in that moment I knew we were destined to be eachother's forever.

I approached you slowly as you played the beautiful piano that sat in the middle of my favourite store. That bookstore was my second home and I had never heard the piano sing quite like it did that day. If wasn't made of wood I would have swore I saw it smile.

"I am sorry" I blurted out after you had caught me staring

"Its okay, you can sit if you'd like," you said gesturing at the space on the bench.

I sat down, heart beating faster than ever before. You brought your hands to the keys and I could see your fingers tremble as if this was foreign territory. As if you hadn't just played a masterpiece.

"I am sorry, I seemed to have forgotten what I was about to play" you said giggling shyly and tried again.

The same melody came from that piano in that moment as has been on repeat in my mind ever since. You played Schubert's "Ava Maria." I took you home that night. I couldn't help myself. I could tell you couldn't either both of us brimming with more emotions and passion then could ever be spent in one night.

When I awoke the next morning though, and you were gone. Without a trace or explaination. You must have had a reason though. I can't stand the thought of it having been a one sided love. I swear I felt your soul open up to mine. I swear.

So, I have waited patiently at this piano for 6 months. Hoping for your return. It wasn't yesterday. But it feels like it was and it will continue to, as I remind myself of you every day. Relive the memory and each detail, hoping one will lead me to you.

I’ll bang on this blasphemy. Who’ll hang for this. Breath.

Like I hung on your every word. Till I leapt.

Found no fool to catch. One.

While the ignorant wept.

But all who knew better. Done worse so they. Crept...

In a Sin full Sea.

Oh look it’s me.

Again.

The last to know.

Guess you all sent letters.

Gave your regards. Let someone else say better.

And off you go.

Did I agree?

My pleas. Deaf ears find faster.

Yet still I can’t get. Past Her...

Back to thee.

Now that I’ve had my turn.

I did no better I see. So.

A simple thing. Sat down on my knee.

I Paint her a picture of hope. Filled with crap she won’t see.

Be happy for that. I explain. Because once you do. You Can’t unsee.

But come with the grays. Many beneficial ways. To be thankful. For less could be found with ease.

All is Beautiful. 20/20 sights like these.

I feel all parents would agree.

In hindsight. Sympathy’s symphony.

“Some much that I knew to be has left and gone away you see. So lucky for the loves I’ve lost. So thankful that are paths did cross. Creating this.” (My child) And My blissful smile.

*

Two days in the basement kidnapped and out of options.

He brings me water and I try not to flinch every time that he comes too close. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction and see him smirk like he knows better. And I am just a prisoner of his, a spoiled girl with her daddy’s money.

I sigh, as I think of that, even though the thing tied around my face is making it difficult... at least it’s not as tight as in the beginning. I try to move my hands from the rope. My arms and shoulders killing me, their stiffness really getting to me; tied behind my back, to the heavy metal chair. I tried to get myself free before, but just got bruises and scratches instead - especially at the start. When I thought I would just shake the chair, fall to the ground and magically untie the ropes. That’s obviously not what happened. I did fall to the ground but couldn’t really get up, the rope even tighter than before, and my head banging against the hard sandy floor of my hopefully temporary prison.

So I had bruises, scrapes and a small bloody wound dripping from my head. I sight again, irritated at my own stupidity and recklessness, angry that I even thought that it would look like in the movies... I was no Aurora Teagarden, that’s for sure, even if I looked a bit like that actress that played her; just a decade before. I moan as my head still hurts and as I remember his amused expression when he saw me on the floor.

Couldn’t stay in one place princess? Not used to, people saying no to you and doing what you want?

He asked and crossed his hands, the muscles of his forearms flexing. He looked suspiciously and annoyingly happy. I just growled and closed my eyes. Preparing myself for whatever was going to happen. He comes near, taking his time. His hand touching my shoulder and my body shudders... but then his hand slips to the side of the chair and he picks it up without almost any effort. As I and the heavy metal monstrosity didn’t weigh a thing. My head spins as he brings me back to the sitting position. Warn fluid dripping down the side of my face. I close my eyes, my vision a bit blurry.

Relax cupcake, I’m just picking you up off the floor... or what’s left of you - he chuckles but then get’s serious when he sees my face - I see you gut some war scars already. Don’t worry, there will be no punishment for your miserable attempt at running away, I think you already did that to yourself.

He leaves for a while and comes back with some bandages and water. I let him clean my wound without moving or even flinching when the wound started to sting, closing my eyes at the first second, embarrassed by how much I failed and managed to make a fool out of myself in front of the guy that kidnapped me from a hotel, I was staying at.

On my way to a friend that I was going to help out - a jealous boyfriend that liked to get too physical with his “love”. She needed someone to talk to and comfort her. but I had different planes in mind; like taking her to a doctor for an abduction and then to the police station - and the hell out of there as soon as possible. I knew that she would object and say that it wasn’t soo bad and people make mistakes. But I knew better. I have been there before and I learned my lesson. I was on my way to her when somebody knocked me out in the elevator and tied me up - that was the last that I could remember before I woke up in the dark basement. My mind confused and my thoughts blurry.

I remember seeing him in the almost darkness, standing there with his arms crossed. His body lied against the wall in a casual way... I tried to scream but my mouth was covered with some material and I couldn’t breathe properly. I started to fidget in the chair and trying to get out but the ropes were to tight and the chair didn’t even move. Too heavy to budge one way or another. I felt tears of rage fall down my cheeks and I close my eyes, too frustrated to even look up at him.

There, there sweetheart. All will be good once I get my money. Don’t stress yourself.

He says in mocking voice and my eyes open momentarily.

My mind already processing the information. Money... my dad... of course. I warned him about showing off in the press and TV. I told him that people are greedy and will do anything for money but he wouldn’t listen. Enjoying the fame and glory too much. Now I personally didn’t enjoy the spotlight, even if people thought differently. Taking me for a spoiled brat and next in line to daddy’s big fortune. Honestly, I couldn’t care less about that money. In my 25 years of living in this world, money has brought me nothing more than misery. Even if you couldn’t see it from the outside.

But I struggled every day. Fighting with the way people treated me, thinking they knew better, and with the memory of him and how he treated me because he wanted me for the money and my connections - and not me for me. Maybe he enjoyed spending time with me in bed... but nothing more. And I felt for him because back then, I thought the world wasn’t so bad. That bad thing happened to other people and not me. I was wrong.

And now I was stuck here with a criminal, hunting for my dad’s money as if he rightfully deserved it, just because he thought that we had too much of it. I move around, feeling numb and then I hear him coming. I sigh again, really not in the mood for another “pep talk”. Could this day get even longer? He comes closer as I look at him, never really knowing what he might do. He comes closer and drops something on my lap. I furrow my eyebrows and see a bottle of water. I stare at him, looking at him questioningly. Was he mocking me, or did he think I could drink the water with my nonexisting psychic powers?

Brought you some water, thought you might be thirsty.

He smirks and starts to untie the material from my face. I don’t move too stressed by his closeness. His presence did the strangest things to me.

There, all better, you don’t need it anyway. No one in miles to hear you. I just wanted to get you tired first so you wouldn’t bug me with your shouting... now have some water.

He opens the bottle and puts it to my face. I open my mouth with hesitance but then drink the water with greediness. My throat like sandpaper.

There we go... that must feel good, right?

My kidnapper asks and I stare at him, ready for him to tight the material back on. But he doesn’t, just smiles at me and start’s to leave.

If you want more water, just shout.

I hear low chuckles as he disappears behind the door and walks up the stairs. I furrow my eyebrows and think to myself curioser and curioser. A couple of hours pass before he comes back... and when he does the situation changes. I hear the door open upstairs and some murmuring and heavy cursing. I lift my eyebrow and wait what will happen next. My eyes grow wider as I see him carrying a small rolled mattress, the kind that’s meant for only one person. He throws it on the floor and it hits the ground with a low thud, unrolling in the process. I stare at him as he looks back at me.

Your new bed gorgeous, we can’t let the princess sleep on the dirty floor, can we now?

He smirks than comes slowly closer to me. As if he is dealing with a scared animal and needs to be careful if he doesn’t want to scare it. He reaches me, stares for a tense moment, where my mind starts to think about the darkest scenarios... and then just cuts the ropes with a small knife. First my legs and then my arms. I gasp, the pain and the relief fighting for attention and first place. I massage my wrists and look at the red lines on my skin. I furrow my eyebrows and then just shrug. I had bigger issues - like a greedy sociopath standing just inches from me. I take a deep breath and look up at him, not moving just observing. Not sure what the protocol here was. Should I go to my temporary bed, or just run away screaming? Yeah, right. Like that’s gonna happen.

Calmed down, huh? Good for you. Now for some safety matters - he pulls out a pair of handcuffs and dangles it in the air.

Great. I thought this was too good to be the truth.

I say in a tired voice, finally ready to speak up. My body and mind too tired to actually care a crap what I should or should not say in his presence.

Well then, she speaks - he smiles again - I knew you could scream but wasn’t sure about any future conversations.

He cuffs one of my wrists and locks the other one around the metal chair. I sigh and just close my eyes, Not really in a mood to play his games. I hear him leave again, only to come back 5 minutes later. I open my eyes when I hear the sound of chains rattling and think, oh no, not this shit again.

Don’t look so panicked, love, it’s just a little precaution - he smirks again and uncuffs me... and then attaches the chain to the cuffs - There you go, you will be secured but with room to walk around... by 3 meters, but still better than just sitting on the cold chair, right?

The guy looks down at me and actually winks. I look down at the chain, move my hand around and sigh.

Oh yes, it’s perfect... and if I get up, will you attack me again? - I ask, prepared for any option.

No. You’re fine, that was just a one-time thing... if you behave of course.

And this chain? - I lift my hand again and shake it, then his, as the metal scrapes against my battered skin.

Well technically, you have no place to run off to, because this place is pretty much deserted - he lifts an eyebrow - but I hate to go to all the fuss of looking for you. I have better things to do.

Like, wait for my father’s money?

I ask calmly. This wasn’t exactly a new thing for me, the trouble that my parent’s money had caused me, not the actual kidnapping.

Precisely... - he has a weird expression on his face. I stare at his face and there is a glimmer of pain on his face, that he quickly turns into a scowl - So try to behave, and later you can use the bathroom.

I don’t say anything to that just get up and wince, my whole body in pain from the attack, from the falling and sitting in one position for so long. I turn back towards him and breathe in deeply before speaking.

If I promise that to you... can I go to the bathroom now? - I ask and he looks weirdly at me for a moment but then just sighs.

So, I give you a finger and you decide to take the whole hand?

Pretty much. I really need it.

Fine, let’s go then - He comes closer, pulls out a small key from his pocket and uncuffs me - Now try to control yourself and not try to run off, ok? I am really not in the mood for exercise.

I just nod and walk slowly beside him. Then he tells me to go first and I climb up the stairs. My muscles almost screaming but I don’t stop. He guides me to a small, old-fashioned bathroom. With a big bathtub and a tiny sink. He leaves for a moment and I don’t even move. The prospect of water of any kind too alluring to actually run away... not that I had any actual chance to do so - he would probably stop me in less than a minute. He comes back and doesn’t even look up at me.

Here are some towels and spare close that you can change into. They should fit you since you are barely skin and bones - he grunts and leaves, closing the door behind him.

I put a small rusty chain on the door and look at my curves and furrow my eyebrows. Sure, I think he meant short instead of skin and bones... I shake my head and quickly take my clothes off and start the water, surprised that it’s not cold. I relax and take my time. Not sure if a chance like this was ever going to happen again - as the water turns colder, I get out and put on my underwear and the new clothes which are a bit too big, but also clean and warm; so I don’t think another moment about it. Just then I hear a loud knock on the door.

You decent, princess?

I roll my eyes and unhook the chain. He opens the door looks at me from head to toe and I blush before I can stop myself. His dark eyes digging into me like daggers. His stare smoldering and intense. I shake my head again, trying to regain some control.

I am never decent, but that doesn’t stop people from taking advantage from me anyway.

I stare at him and he smiles.

You got some spunk, good. This will make things more interesting.

He smirks and I try to clear my throat, suddenly all nervous, for different reasons than when I fell to the ground or when he chained me to the chair. My heart starts to beat faster and I can’t stop myself from feeling foolish. What was I thinking...?

Feeling hungry?

He asks lightly and points to the hall. I walk with him and he takes me to a big kitchen. I look at the table and notice some sandwiches and hot tea. I reach the table slowly and sit down, starting to eat instantly. My stomach already growling. He walks to the kitchen counters and just leans against them and crosses his arms, staring at me, as if he was analyzing my behavior. I drink the tea and decide to speak.

You can sit down, I will try not spit with my food at you - he smirks but doesn’t move - suit yourself - I finish the food and sigh, both content and nervous because I knew what was going to happen next - So, back to the dungeon then?

Yes, but I think I will spare the chains. You look remotely like a sain person... even if rich and spoiled.

He states calmly and makes me walk to the basement. Leaving me down there with a new bottle of water and actually keeping his word and taking the cuffs and the chain.

I spend a couple of hours in the faint light coming from a small window, high up and close to the ceiling. I lay on the small mattress and think about my captor’s behavior.

He attacked and kidnapped me... and still, in the end, treated me in a decent way.

Was this some kind of game that he always played? Or was I his first prisoner?

No, it somehow didn’t seem like a game from his side. Even considering the situation I was in. I another couple of hours past and the basement gets completely dark. I close my eyes just for a second and it suddenly gets light again. The night turning into the day. I must have fallen asleep. I hear footsteps and look up.

***

Come on, you’re getting a room upstairs... with locks and security of course.

He finishes with a smirk and guides me again. I follow him, my mind still a bit blurry from the sleep. I walk into a small room with bars in the windows... ah, the security. I turn around and look at him as he is just about to leave.

Why the sudden change of mind? Am I that good at being a prisoner, that I got upgraded?

I ask then look around again and sit on the surprisingly comfortable bed, even if old like everything here.

Maybe... or perhaps I just got tired of going up and down those stairs - he smiles - Why, any complaints? Not too stylish for the like of you?

No. It’s perfect. In these circumstances - I say and stare at him meaningfully - How long do you think, I am going to stay in this lovely room... and not so lovely company? - he smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

Doing what I can... you are surprisingly cooperative for someone that’s held against their will. Not your first rodeo, sweetheart? - He asks and I sigh.

I have been in my fair share of situations... money isn’t everything.

So say the people that have them - He starts with a harsh expression but then sees my face, and he furrows his eyebrows. A moment passes and he clears his throat - Scream if you need anything.

Is freedom available at this early hour? - I ask and notice him rolling his eyes before he leaves.

Working on it.

***

Another day passes and I can feel a change in the atmosphere between us. It lightens up and gets easier. We talk more, even if it’s just small talk and him asking if I was thirsty/hungry/or needed to go to the bathroom. He isn’t as bad as I thought. Even If I was his proser and a ransom toy. Eventually, I get tired of talking about polite stuff and decide to get braver. One way or another I needed to get out.

So, how is the “situation” going along?

He looks up from his cold coffee and furrows his eyebrows.

More slowly then I thought... your parent in acting a bit like a diva, no offense - he says when he sees my expression. I sigh.

No offense taken. I have been there before, money messes with the head. That’s why I never wanted it.

I stare at him for a moment, when he looks at his cup, not talking. His muscles tensing. I inhale deeply and suddenly his sweet heavy smell fills my lungs and I can feel my cheeks turn red. Great, the embarrassment lives on. I clear my throat.

What is your name? - He gives me a heavy stare. I just shrug my shoulders.

Really? You are going to ask your kidnapper for a name? - He asks amused - What next? Are you going to ask for my ID and my security number?

No, just your name. You can give me a fake one. I just want to call you in some way... and just by saying “I need water, asshole” - I say and there is a moment of tense silence and then he suddenly bursts out laughing.

So much spunk in this little one. Alright sugar, you can call me Dean... want a second name too?

Nope, Dean is fine. So Mr Dean, my captor, why am I really here?

For your money - he says without hesitance, but I see his muscles tense again.

No, the real reason... what do you need the money “for”?

So I don’t have to work ever again and because as you so sweetly called me before... for being an ass? - I shake my head and he sighs again - Fine, I need it to get out of trouble, for someone I know.

He says with hesitation and I can see in his eyes that he just shot me off, and will say no more. I cross my arms.

Good to know, that it’s not just because I am spoiled and only care about myself ?

I say and lift my eyebrow, trying to ease the tension in the room.

I don’t think that, not anymore.

I look up surprised, wondering if he is mocking me. Having a laugh. He stares at with a serious expression. I blink a couple of times and take a steady breath.

Good that you have learned your lesson. What changed your mind?

Nothing I still think you are one of the royals... but I have grown to like that about you - He finishes with an almost serious expression. I just lift my eyebrows.

So, back to my bedroom?

I ask, already preparing myself for another couple of hours of solitude.

Oh, you are already offering? How forward of you.

He says amused and I just freeze in place. My mind blanks for a moment. Then I can feel my heartbeat rise -and not because his words scared me, but because I liked what they implied. Not good.

Relax princess. I wouldn’t touch you with a stick.. unless you asked - He smirks and my heart is hammering so loud in my chest that I can’t even hear his words properly.

You’re not as funny as you think...

I start with a scowl but then my expression changes as he comes closer and I take a step back... and another, until I bump against the wall. He lifts on hand and puts it against the wall just above my head. I can feel my palms start to sweat.

Oh, I wasn’t trying to be funny... - He moves closer, bows his head, so his lips are just inches from mine.

I freeze. My heart hammering against the ribcage. He stares at me and then sees something in my eyes and moves away. Probably thinking he saw fear in my eyes,

but the truth was there was something about him that kept attracting me to him.

Almost from day one. His smell, the way he moved, even the way that he taunted me, trying to get a reaction from me. And now, that I had him so close, I wanted him even more... so as he backs away I momentarily strain. My body yelling “stop!” I grab his arm and pull him close. Making him band down his head so I can kiss him. I latch on to him, my lips moving faster and faster. He seems surprised at first but then quickly catches on to the tempo. I put my arms around his shoulders and moan quietly - and that kind of brakes the mood, because he finally brakes away, as if I had electrocuted him.

What... was... that?! - He asks astonished and I just shrugs my shoulders. Not sure if my voice would work properly - Remind me to never tease my prisoners.

He shakes his head with amazement and I can finally feel the embarrassment; not sure if it had more to do with the situation or the fact that he pulled away. I fix my shirt and clear my voice.

I will be upstairs... be sure to lock me up... apparently, I am unpredictable

I say in a weak voice and move shakily to the stairs. He reaches me and pulls me back, so I’m facing him again.

Don’t think I didn’t like that - he leans in and inhales deeply - because I did. But you understand that’s not the issue here? - he asks and I just nod my head.

It won’t happen again - I move up the stairs and hear him behind me.

Pity... such a waste - he says and I swallow, moving faster. And then I just stop in the middle of the stairs. I turn back.

We can make this work...

What are you talking about? - He looks confused and a bit angry. I reach him and put my arms around his neck.

I know that this sounds crazy and I only know you for a couple of days, and the situation is more than... let’s say awkward...

You could say that again.

He says quietly, staring at me the craziest woman in the world. I let him and lean down and kiss him, slowly this time. He responds without any hesitation. Putting his hands on my waist. This last for a long moment until he very slowly moves away from me. I open my eyes and stare at him.

You are an amazing woman Grace Pandelworth... but how could this possibly work?

You need money for your family. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do, and I couldn’t care less about them... and we will make this work - I say looking down at him and he pulls me in, his strong arms wrapping themselves tightly around me.

I don’t know if this will work... but I sure as hell want to try.

I put my head on his shoulder and feel his smile spread as he kisses the side of my face.

Sounds good to me.

And I smile too, knowing that there will many difficulties awaiting us and at the same time never feeling safer and at home than I ever did. We needed to give this feeling a chance to see if it would spread into love -What do you want to start with?

Oh, I have a couple of ideas... want to start with upstairs?

I think that will be just fine.

I let him lead me to the bedroom and for a moment forget about the entire world. No matter how this insane situation would end, I couldn’t help but feel happier than I had in a very long time. I didn’t think I would ever get that feeling back, but here I was. Taking his hand and trusting him with everything I had. And maybe it was the biggest mistake in my life, but I was wiling to take that chance.

.............................................................................................................................

A love unmatched

A love unnoticed

A love hidden

Have you ever seen someone every day?

Someone you didn’t know, but noticed?

Someone you felt connected to?

Have you ever fallen in love with someone

Who didn’t even know your name?

Who you never met?

Have you ever felt instantly calmed

By the presence of someone you never talked to?

Someone who’s life you barely know?

Confidence kills

Confidence makes you tell the truth

Confidence leads confession

Confusion

Rejection

They don’t know you

Sometimes you forget you are just watching

You forget you are a ghost

Watching their life from above

They don’t love you

They don’t know your name

They don’t care that you know everything about them

The problem with being invisible

Is that when you finally want to be seen,

You know everything about everyone,

But no one knows you

I look across the dock as I feel the breeze tug on my dark hair. I love summer. A group of students are walking away from the water, some are unzipping their lifejackets. This is my only job and probably will always be. I turn back to my boss. He is busy working with some other instructors. Since the summer is almost over and the season almost finished I feel out of place. My first day in one of their last. I keep taking peeks at the group of students, still making their way towards the street. This was when I first laid eyes on her.

She walked near the back of the group as if she did not completely trust them. Her eyes were focused on her surroundings, seemingly taking in everything. She was everything I wanted. Timid, but confident enough to not be picked on or forced to do anything she does not want to do. I try to keep my eyes off her, but it is so hard. I ask myself, What is your problem? Do you not realize how much younger she is? I shake my head and turn back to my work as she disappears. Gosh I need a drink.

I forgot about her until the following summer. I had gone through many short affairs, trying to find someone to settle down with. Too bad nobody told me that clubs and bars were not a good place to find someone to spend your life with. I saw her a bit during spring sailing. The girl had the habit of leaving her hair down until the last minute. I tried to stay away, work in the warehouse instead. My goal was to learn how to mask and control my emotions be the summer season.

I heard that she was going to become an instructor-in-training. A title for those too young to be teaching and being paid, but know too much to be students. Of course she would become one, even before the designated age. This is good for her, but it means I will see her more often. Why do I have interest in someone I could never have. I cannot help to wonder if she might accept me. I mean I am nice-looking and unique. Many people like me for my personality and I know there is not one person who is the same as me. Too bad that is true for everyone. I wonder if she is seeing someone. I do not think so, she seems too sad. She smiles less than most people do and her eyes hold very strong emotions. God I hope she has not noticed me observing her.

Summer came quickly and I am proud of how fast I have learned to control my emotions. I know I am 22 but I still feel younger, maybe 18? I have known my boss for a long time and think this will be my career. I did go to college, but I dropped out. It was a waste of my money. College is overrated, well at least it is for me.

Most of the time I come into work around lunch time and work late. Therefore I do not see her as much, since she is usually assigned to a boat or the safety boat. I usually just go wherever they need me to go. I did get my chances though. She is not perfect, but I believe she is as close as a human can get.

The day I realized she might feel something for me was the day she chose to be on my boat. Well she was originally assigned to my boat, but was requested by another instructor. He asked her if she wanted to go onto his boat instead. She said no. I was surprised, in fact everyone was. She went on trying to explain why, but honestly I think she would rather spend time with me.

My thoughts were confirmed a couple weeks later. Again she was on my boat. This time she was the only girl, or maybe her sister was there too, I do not know. She was trying to start up conversations but was failing miserably, I smile just thinking about it. In the morning I was reading the truth or dare wrappers from the gum. One of the dares was inappropriote and I did not even dare to read it out loud to everyone else. I just said that I could not believe they were allowed to print it. Everyone ended up bothering me about it for the rest of the morning.

The afternoon was different. We had some decent conversations. I tried to stay conservative, but it only made her try to keep talking to me. I started to slightly ignore her. She then started look hurt, although she was good at hiding it. I just told myself that it was best for us to have huge limits.

During the instructor/employee dinner I sat diagonal to her. I pretended to talk to my fellows next to me and told stories and had a great time. She watched me the whole time and laughed along with us. I felt so light, maybe it was her, but I think it was the beer. I took a picture of the pizza and beer so I would never forget that night.

At the end of the summer everyone was sad. Not everyone was planning on coming back the next winter. I was and so was she. I guess I cannot get away from her. If she was older or I was younger we probably could be something, but that was not meant to be.

We can never be together, not with this age difference. Almost 7 years. Anyways she deserves someone better. She is just so smart, pretty, kind, unique, and is not afraid to be herself. At least we can be friends. I know I will see her a lot.

The summer ended, but I knew it could not be helped. My job continued on. I ended up helping out at a boatbuilding club. The first meeting I was sitting in a chair and was watching all the students enter the room. In she walks. I was not expecting her, I did not even know that she went to this school. I surprised her too. I said a desperate hi before I contained myself. She just smiled. Part of me was disappointed and hurt, but another part was relieved. Maybe she did not have a feelings for me like I expected, or she knew it could never work out.

This pains me, but I know it is right. Maybe things will change in the upcoming spring and summer sailing season. Maybe they will not. I just hope I can move on soon. I hope she will too. I wish we could be together, and it pains me, but it could never be.

I needed to tell you my story, so hear me out, and reach for my forgiveness.

I needed to tell you my story, so hear me out, and reach for my forgiveness.

I was tweleve when I saw her, with her radiant sunset to the ground, last glimpse behin the mountain hair, tagging along a friend. I knew then she was the one for me.

I was tweleve when I didn't notice him. He was just a pair of passing eyes staring at me, as many like him did back then.

I chased her from afar. I traced her every move. I went wherever she went. Always a shadow in her light. But I wasn't a vampir waiting for the night.

I noticed him every now and then. I noticed how strange it was that he just happened to be where I was. But the neigbourhood was a big place, and it could happen.

After a while, I gave up. Who was I to match such beauty? I was just an awkward teenager trying to discover the other side.

I noticed he wasn't around anymore. I felt awkward. Where would he go? Why would he give up?

A year later, I came back to the tennis court. There she was, taller, fuller, hitting that tennis ball dressed in her white tennis skirt that only contrasted the color of her skin brighter. I was right back where I was a year ago.

There he was a year later, still lingering around. Isn't there a way to attract his attention to let him know I'm here.

I still can't say a word.

He still wont' reach me.

This is a safe place to look at her play baseball. She's coming...she's coming...is there a place to go. I'll just stay here. She'll talk to me.

Wishhh...the ball has gone off. It landed at his feet. Finally! He'll to finally say something. 'Hey'....'Can you throw the ball back,...please...?!'. He threw the ball back and didn't make a move. What an idiot!

I can't believe I met someone who knew her. So, you're going to introduce me to her? Oh, God, Oh, God. Finally, finally, finally. What's this? She's standing right in front of me and him. What do I say? She's looking at me. She's smiling. I'll say...nothing. I'll just smile.

God. He's such an adorable idiot. Say something. I'm right here. I'm smiling right at you. Come on. Take advantage. Make a move. He's hopeless.

"I'm sorry to hear about your father" and I shook her hands. Her hand was out with a grim look.

He came. He actually came to give me condolonces in my father. He actually came. I know him now. He knows me.

I see her. She's nodding.

I know him now. I can nod at him.

I'm going to do something about this. I'll talk to her. I'll walk up behind her. 'Hi'....'You know I really like you.'.....'I would like to be your friend.'.....

Oh, no, It's him. Let's hear what he has to say....'Hi'...."Yes?!".....'Why?'

"What do you mean why?" I can't think of an answer. I'll just walk away.

Dont' go. "I'm sorry..." Don't go.

I've gone to state college. Now, I meet a lot of people and many attractive women, and I've had my flings. But that floating red hair, and those black night eyes still haunt my dreams. I got her phone number at home. I'll give it a try.

I've gone to a private college. Now, I live the life of the party. I don't remember much about him. Now, all sorts of dudes and hunks chase after me. Who's calling?

I can't say a word.

Hello. It must be him. Same as ever. Oh, well, I'll just hang up.

I've finished college. What am I to do now? All my friends are busy with jobs, or travelled abroad. What was that number again? I'll give her a call.

I've finished college. It's now time to take the next step. Find a husband. The phone's ringing.

"Is that you?" I said.

"Yes, it's me."

"How are you?"

"Fine"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure"

"Is it possible for us to meet?"

"No"

"Why?"

"I'm engaged."

___________

"I'm sorry. I have to hang up now."

It's the wedding night. Just tears into my face.

It's my wedding night. Just tears on other people's faces.

I can now trace anyone I want. I can google, I can use truecaller, I can find anyone I want anywhere. I wonder what's her news? It's been so long.

This is the worst of times for a married woman to be chased by her past through some annoying prick who'll just want to live off some past fantasy he once had.

I found her facebook page. That was hard after she spells her last name in so many ways. Oh, she's married with two adorable kids. Oh, my God, why does her husband look so much older than her? Why does she look so old herself? She's running. She's a runner.

So, let's run 'who checked you page' to see if there any unwanted stalkers checking my pager. Oh, no, him again, after all these years. And he's married, and he's got a family. He's got to be absloutely crazy. I'll increase the page's security.

Now, her pager is no longer public. Now, I can't access any of her photos.

He's trying again. Now, I'll take off my public pictures on Facebook.

So many years I spent chasing her shadow, promising myself that one day I'll be her knight in shining armour whenever the need arises. Who is she anyway? She's just human, made of flesh like the rest of us. I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't want to cheat on my wife. I don't want her cheating on her husband. I want her to know that I am decent human being.

I had to deal with so many trubulenes in my life. I don't need him added to my list. He's a married man and he should respect the woman he's married too, not go off chasing skirt whenever he feels the need to. He doesn't expect me, married to a prominent businessman, mother of two, to be hitting it on with him now. You had your chance. You missed it.