It began with a bike accident when I was thirteen. I broke my two front teeth in-half when I face-planted into the asphalt.
My parents were poor, and we didn't have dental anymore...
So, it took them two years to fix them for me. Two years is a long time for an adolescent to deal with broken teeth. A long enough time to develop bad habits that would effect me for the rest of my present life.
I stopped brushing my teeth. I hated seeing them in the mirror. I hated how sensitive they were sometimes, especially my front teeth where the root-- the nerves were exposed. By the time they did get fixed, I'd fallen out of the routine of brushing and I was too difficult a teenager for my parents, or my siblings to encourage me to pick it back up. So I didn't, not regularly like I should have.
I grew up on Mountain Dew and eventually converted to Coke, sometimes Pepsi. Sugar became the taste of happiness, especially in it's carbonated dark flavors-- with cherry on top. I didn't know it would eat away at my teeth. I didn't know it would discolor them, especially without proper brushing.
When my wisdom teeth came in when I was eighteen or so, I didn't want to go to the dentist. I had a subconscious phobia about even looking at them. The more I drank my happy flavors, the more brittle my teeth got. In a few years those wisdom teeth started breaking molars as they pushed into my mouth.
I was too busy with the rest of my life to pay it much mind. I'm well versed in dealing with pain so it was just another pain to swallow. Chased down with Coke. The corrosive beverage eventually got to my veneers too. Eleven years after having them fixed, and one of them broke in half again-- on a piece of bacon. (Story of my life.)
I'm thirteen all over again. I can't help but look in the mirror and check out the damage. My teeth... they're yellowed-- coke and cigarettes no doubt. I cried. What had I done? For the second time in my life, I was embarrassed to open my mouth. More than that, I was ashamed. So much so I insisted my Twin do all the talking when we were out, including ordering my food or asking a store clerk where something was.
Not a year later the other one broke. Leaving my mouth a mangled mess of discolored corroded and broken teeth. Life hasn't been favorable for maintaining dental insurance and money is a battle all it's own. My teeth have become a reflection of the hope I have in ever fixing them.
You'd think I'd stop drinking that taste of happiness for the colors of pain it's caused, but it's like an addiction. A pleasant chaser for the more sour swallow of shame.
|| another-proser ||
Pain has a color
You may not see it
But ask anyone whose sad
Pain has a color
But it's an odd color
The color that degrades all other colors
A color that makes all the other colors turn black and gray
A color that numbs every other one
A color that makes all the other colors almost cease to exist till you only feel the pain
But like wise
Happiness had a taste
Something that adds to all the other experiences
The taste can hardly be placed in words
But to me it's peaches and cigarettes
For my friend it's bubblegum and chocolate
For him it's watermelon
Happiness taste different to everyone
But they all know the taste
Even if words can't describe
They'll know the taste
Colors and Tastes
Like blood drops
Filling my mind
The end of time
Bringing me to place of hate
Like blood drops
Filling my gaze
A red haze
No end to this maze of agony
A word whispering in my mind
Even in the smallest nooks
It leaves a lingering taste behind
Sour, salty, bitter
Happiness is a mix
Wisdom, eternity, suffering, joy, love
A melting-pot of emotions
The color of pain
The taste of happiness
Pain and Happiness
A sorrowful shade of red
Tinged with blue sadness
And a yellowy fear
Purple anger dusts it's edges
Wrathful and frightened
Bitter and pitiful
A tawny shade of carrot
A delicious taste
Like a cool drink of water
Or a warm cup of soup
That refreshing burst of taste
A taste like oranges and vanilla
Like lilac and honey
Like all the best foods combined
A cornucopia of delight