You can tell yourself you were desperate for money,
because it happened to be true.
You can tell yourself only one person saw you,
because, as far as you know, its true.
You can tell yourself you have no issues
with your sexuality
because you don't.
But for every deal you make with yourself
you can't go back to the boy you were
before you talked yourself,
or let yourself be talked,
into sucking your own dick
on a webcam for money.
Because from there, the deals you make
get uglier and easier, because you
aren't making deals with yourself anymore
but with some stranger
who looks like you used to.
I laugh away the pain.
Ignore the blatent truth,
I lie to hide color
No one gave me away-
I lost myself.
And now I will live
but not live