"Just bitch and whine!"

"I told you, I'm fine."

I do not seek adjustment - I can only hope to wait out his whiskey. My husband is more malevolent these days.

"I'm fine." He used to say, before I stopped believing him.

He seemed fine, fit and functional - who am I to question method? I am no virgin to dysfunction.

My mother said the same. Father too, fine as well, broken glass - drunk as hell.

Wives are different than daughters, they're drowned by husbands in darker waters.

Depression is where hope dies, 

when heart stops to cry.

Depression is life without desires,

when nothing matters, nothing excites.

when there is no motive to rise.

When it doesn't matter, 

if day becomes night or 

when sun again arrives. 

Depression is blankness filled in life. 

Not just absence of answers, even questions, are all dry.

Depression is to sleep an extra hour,  & again a extra hour & to never wake up. .

Sleeping long..... for am not ready to face another day.

All doors closed, curtains all covered,

Switched off phones & blanket hovered.

Please no lights & no words. ..

Darkness seems soothing,

 loneliness feels cure, 

"I'm finneee", I would still tell you. 

Depression is soulless body & mind. 

When all words & ideas fall aside.

when nothing is heard, though you have ear. 

Even in the crowd, it's only you & some unknown fear.

Depression is feeling empty inside,

when you just want a corner to hide. 

when there is no reason to laugh or cry. 

It's a feel of drowning deep into lies, 

even with gasping,  you can no longer survive. 

when your existence makes no more sense.

when you want world to just end. 

Depression is like a black hole,  which attracts even the things,  required no long.

I'm fine-

Maybe if I say it enough times it'll be true-

But until then I'd like to avoid any of the lies and excuses I'd tell you-

Honestly I'm fine-

I'm used to what I've been through-

No I don't need to talk or cry through all my issues with you-

I'm fine please stop asking-

I'd hate to lay all my burdens down and have them crush you too-

STOP! I'm fine!

I know you care-

And it's not that I don't trust you-

Sometimes I'd like to go through life solving my own problems without you-

I'm...

I'm tired of your questions-

I'm tired of lying to you-

But I know it will hurt you more if I told you the truth-

Ever heard that expression-

"I'm ok, but not ok" -

Thats what I've been trying to say-

Even though I'm going through hell right now-

I still get up everyday and walk in my own shoes-

So until the day Death carries me away-

I'm fine.

We all know what it is.

The singularity of all pleasantries.

I'm fine.

No.

Listen.

If we keep saying this,

We're ruined.

The power of complacency,

Here.

Nurtured in repetition,

These words

I'm fine,

Have unbelievable capabilities.

You see, if

We keep saying this,

There will be no

Second chance.

That is, once

We convince ourselves it's true.

she giggles with glee 

her face youthful

she´s so happy 

she is bubbling with life 

she skips instead of walking because she says it fun this way 

she sweet as cherry pie 

she wears a pink backpack with a big sun on the front pocket 

she wears her hair in pigtails 

her eyes her distant and dead 

her smiles is plastic 

her tears  sharp and cuts you to the throat when she cries

she no longer skips 

her backpack is no longer pink 

her sun is barely staying on her backpack 

she sits at her desk 

and she puts on her plastic smile 

and her teacher looks at her 

and says Tyla are you okay 

and she open her  mouth and replies I am fine 

and slowly she recedes into her mind 

because it safer that way 

I'm fine.

Really the best sentence in the world.

It conveys to you that I am in fact healthy.

It says, "I'm happy," or I'm so peeved right now!

I'm fine - fine like worsted, scratchy wool -

I am seething, scathing, itching, jumping out of my skin -

But

       I AM FINE.

I'm fine.

Today I am glossy, shiny, superimposed.

I am fine - like silk and satin and gold dust -

Starry eyed, smooth and rich -

I am happy, ecstatic and pleased as punch -

And

       I AM FINE.

I'm fine.

Behind closed doors I let the crystal tears flow.

Today I am hiding, huddled and sad.

I am fine - like roaring oceans, dripping taps and rain -

I am so sad and alone with my thoughts -

But

     I AM FINE.

I am fine.

Today I am angry, seething, ripping red.

I am fine - like flowing lava, pent up steaming, hot and mad.

I cannot tell you the truth of my life -

But

I AM FINE.

I'm fine is the most amazing sentence.

It is gossamer strands of silken ties

Used to cover a thousand lies

Because the world doesn't want to know

If your happy, sad or on the go

It's best to say it, all the time

Don't stumble, stutter or whine

Say it loud and proud

Hide your truths

BecauseI AM FINE.

Fine.

Fine as the infinite grains of sand,

tread on by carefree souls.

Waves rolling in, lapping over them,

pulling each out to sea.

Fine as a crack in a tea cup,

a blemish on the delicate china.

Slowly branching out, and up,

threatening to spill it’s contents.

Fine as the decadent chocolate,

wrapped in golden foil.

Held captive in a warm dark mouth,

melting, vanishing, consumed.

Fine as the threads of silk,

weaved together on a pillow.

Losing its sheen, tattered,

worn and stained with tears.

Fine as the tip of the needle,

gently piercing the tender skin.

Injecting it’s magic potion,

leaving beautiful bruises behind.

Fine as the aged Cabernet,

grapes tenderly crushed, fermented.

Soothing tannins being sipped,

intoxicating, inebriating, sedating.

I am Fine.

Wailing at reality of tear strewn eyes,

immersed in barrage of uncharted waters,

duped by shadows looming over dreams,

thoughts of disaster tottering in skids.

pinpricks of pain coursing through veins.

isolated with whispers of utter dejection,

life sealed with molten wax, dripping as

thighs become numb and paralyzed,

fleeing from pending doom of mortality,

nose diving into endless pool of mud

pleading for heartbeat to flatten spikes

confronting faces of empty promises

sagging forward - impending death prevails

But “I am fine,” I proclaim, as I spurt down path

of my past, hoping I still can find who I am.

I usually am fine when people ask me what's wrong. I mean, I live in a society where it's not okay to be introverted. Apparently, it's wrong to not be social, or something HAS to be wrong with you if you aren't contributing somehow to the conversation. I don't remember anyone telling me this at birth, which is unfortunate, because I would have argued against it.

Or tried to, anyways.

I would rather be alone with my thoughts. Just soak in them because I can focus better (however contradicting that may seem). I listen to my music loud when I'm in public, but it's just barely on when I'm alone - I just like to be in my zen mode. Me, myself, my words. Friends are welcome always, but know that when I'm quiet, I truly am okay. When I have a sad face, you can hug me, give me food, whatever. But don't think something is wrong, or so bad I can't deal with it on my own.

(That was the strangest rant I have ever gone on :/)

She says "I'm fine",

but I know that she's lying.

I heard her crying...

last night in the laundry room with the door closed and the washer running.

That was when I began to understand,

Mothers aren't always stoic or resilient.

In many ways they are more deeply afflicted by wounds of the heart.

Mostly because they have to hide them, 

deny them proper periods of lamentation.

I was shattered then, compulsively drawn to the idea

that nobody was safe from emotional failings.

But I digress...

She gazed at me with haunted eyes

and I realized, I'd never really looked at her before.

It was beautiful and terrifying

All those years objectifying

and all along she'd been more human than I'd given her credit for.