Horny Santa was feeling very unsatisfied. 

        He frustratingly stuffed his mouth with cookies while grimacing down at eleven elven assembly lines, swigging a green goblet of extra-spiked eggnog. Production today is down three and a half percent. My plan was to end the day on a high note. Fuck this shit. Horny Santa always loved being ahead of production schedule and always loathed being behind it. Whatever. He finished his remaining cookie and eggnog. Day's over.

        Horny Santa returned to his bed chamber to find an escort, one Mistress Claus, lying on her chest, wearing nothing but a sparkly, red-and-green g-string. She turned the other way around and smiled devilishly. "Why hello there, daddy."

        "HO-HO!" daddy exclaimed. "Even though you've been such a naughty little girl, I literally decided, fuck it, and got you an early Christmas present."

        "Daddy! You shouldn't have!"

        "Oh, but I did. And you know I'm the boss." Horny Santa proceeded to pull an eight-inch nutcracker out of his pocket.

        "Oh my goodness!" cried Mistress Claus. "It's so beautiful."

        Horny Santa smiled smugly, eagerly, lustfully. "That it is. More importantly, it's useful!" He pressed his finger upon the nutcracker's chest, and its head started vibrating vehemently. Horny Santa walked slowly toward the bed on which Mistress Claus laid, and before she could remove her remaining garment, the jolly man was gently pressing his early Christmas gift against her moistening crotch.

        It wasn't long before Mistress Claus instinctively reached for Horny Santa's own crotch. As usual, that region became rock-hard in less than ten seconds. He swiftly replaced the nutcracker with his nutsaber and suddenly, time and space for him and her became inundated by erotic pleasure and sexual unity. 

*        *        *

        After giving the gift of a fourth orgasm, Horny Santa jubilantly withdrew his pleasure-weapon and let Mistress Claus nutcrack him all over her chest. 

        Horny Santa now felt very satisfied, and passed the fuck out.

THE END

Secret Santa rides

naked in his sleigh,

privates covered

if I might say.

Making sure

his Christmas sack

is full of goodies

slung on his back.

Nocturnal activity

filling your stocking

giving you joy

and I’m not mocking!

Slips his Yule log

in sexy lace panty

playing reindeer games

like a vigilante.

Heat arising

melts snow off roof

you beg for more

it’s not a spoof!

He rings your bell

you dance around pole.

he comes upon a midnight clear

he’s fulfilled his sexual role.

He wipes his lips

and heads off home

promising missus

he did not roam!

Next year you prepare

milk and a cookie,

decorate yourself with a bow

all ready for some nooky.

Laid out for him like a platter

you hear the hooved patter

of little reindeer feet

nothing else can matter.

Santa Claus

        is coming

                 to town!

Jolly old St. Nicholas

Has come to town

To tickle us

With toys galore

That he'll thrust

Into our chimneys

Slow and such

His bells are full

Of Christmas cheer

And he will be grinning

From ear to ear

As he rests his gift

Between our rears

For a bumpy sleigh ride

Santa's magic will flow

Through each of us

Like sticky white snow

As he grabs up his sack

And screams out Ho Ho Ho

Then it's on to the next house

For another reindeer show

Santa is in a bad way

He really needs to get laid

Seeing the world’s beauties

Really gets his engine going

Beauty after beauty after beauty

In every state and country

And he can’t have any

Not even a quickie

Poor guy, are those ornaments

Or your balls?

That’s a pretty Earth blue

Hang in there

You have so much to do

And the world could be in your hands

I awakened to a noise. Not a usual noise. More like an...unusual noise. Something akin to hooved animals upon my roof. Being that it was Christmas Eve, I didn't immediately discount that possibility but, instead, got out of my warm bed, grabbed my Mossberg shotgun from the corner, and went to investigate the fracas. Reindeer, fine. Serial killer, not.

I tiptoed down the hallway from my bedroom to the living room and then peered around the corner to behold a naked fat man with a white beard and hair (ALL white) standing by the tree, sipping the soy milk and eating the chocolate chip cookies I had prepared (okay, I bought them) just for this possibility. Although I do admit I did not imagine that Santa would be in his birthday suit instead of his famous red and white one.

Then I realized he came down my chimney.

There's something about the feel

Of crushed velvet red

Against my shaved genitals

And the fur trim, ooh

Mama bends, a glance I steal

At the bloomers, hot

To watch her with carrots peel

Let me be reindeer

Then I'd close my lips a seal

To form perfect "O"

Glide her finger in, suck, squeal

Finger elsewhere, too

The scent of cookies, unreal

On her bosom blessed

This is why Christmas appeals

Oh, ...and the presents

WikiLeaks has discovered an article from "The North Pole Post" by journalist D. Metcalf

Santa has a secret. He will never tell his true story because if he did, he would ruin Christmas all over the world. Unfortunately for Santa, I'm feeling a bit naughty. I'm going to tell you Santa's secret. Just how he became Santa Clause is what we never hear about because it is his secret past, Santa's dirty little secret..

When Santa was a young man, if it weren't for the frigid North Pole weather he wouldn't keep many clothes on. He would also spend time in the barn with the reindeer. He claimed he was training them to fly but the reality of the situation was that he was trying to find the reindeer who could please him by using their noses. Thus we have Rudolph.

Santa had many intimate friends. Everyone seemed to like the chubby lad, even the strange group of short people, the Elves. Santa said they were just the right height.

Santa Clause discovered the ladies of the night. This is why he delivers his 'package' at this particular time screaming, "Ho Ho Ho!" He has always been jolly and frequently gay.

He aged. His white fluffy beard was fashionable at the North Pole. His passion could not be contained as he laid his eyes and heart on Mrs. Clause. She was fat too though the term 'chubby chaser' hadn't been discovered yet. Mrs. Clause was a daughter of the Gods. Her family had arranged her marriage to Dudley Wisen who wore red with black accessories.

One day, after a rendezvous in a large sack with his new love, she introduced Santa to her parents. Unbeknownst to Santa a piece of her underwear rested on his beard. The Gods were enraged! They considered the option to kill him. Mrs. Clause pleaded and begged for his life. They were given no choice but to accept their punishment. The following were his cursed conditions:

His balls would decorate trees

He would wear red with black garnishing

Rudolph would lead the pack

Elves would make the toys

He would work on the coldest night of the year screaming, "Ho Ho Ho! and live forever in the North Pole with Mrs. Clause.