Glass Chains of My Own Creation
Into my life fall heavy clouds of despair
bound with glass chains that make no noise.
Dingy basement on dark streets,
black boots in mud puddles splashing,
alone in my dreams of sweet release.
I do not see nor hear the dragging,
transparent chains of my own creation.
Key holder of locked chain dons mask
and hides furtively behind my back.
It dawns on me we are one and the same
as the closed chains of my mind veil me,
ethereal, suffocated by silence.
Chain bindings bite my ankles
jagged rocks beneath me invisible,
as I try to unlock chains of discord,
born of my own transgressions,
careless words in broken lines
pointing to a fractured destiny.
I rent asunder my bindings
realizing I have freedom of choice
as I fight the threatening links
radiating from desperate depths,
battle for growth and survival
and struggle upward toward light,
casting aside shadows of my mind.
Bound to chains that do not make the slightest sound
I wake up, furious and spitting, each wrist encircled in plastic with a daisy chain of loops leading to a single metal ring anchored in the concrete floor. It’s near invisible in here and it smells rank. My leash doesn’t reach, but I shouted myself horse and I’m pretty sure the shadowy humps along the back wall are long gone. There’s a stained grate underneath my feet. It might be for pee, but I know better.
The house alarm chirped just after midnight. Flent tipped me, so I was waiting, gun on my lap. But I hadn’t slept since Alvaro blew the deal, almost forty hours, and I blacked out. Head back, snoring upright in the old lady’s prissy chair by the window. My eyes had just clicked open when tattooed hands reached through the window and closed around my neck. The chair tipped back, banging against the window frame and I saw he was missing his ring finger. Cochran, that burnout piece of shit! Then he stripped the glock off and smacked a gas rag over my nose. After that, nothing.
So now I’m sitting, criss-cross applesauce staring at my wrists. They took my boot knife and chewing it will only split my gums. I know better than to try twisting or kicking. I’ll break my wrists before the damn things snap. Stronger than steel and a perfect fit every time. How many stringy meth-heads had I put into the ground, still in ties? How many beefy, obese fucks? Ties were cheaper than cuffs, no key, no lock to pick and you could smuggle them anywhere, even on the inside. Shit!
I can hear them arguing outside, so it’s not long now. I should do a life flashback, start thinking about who I’m going to miss, but I’m too amped up for that. Knowing it’s useless, I jam my thumb down hard on one tie. I get two fingers underneath and start pulling, grunting from the effort. The plastic chains stay dead quiet as I struggle. Blood is coursing down my fingertips and plinking the grate when the door opens. Here we go…
They do not rattle, or clink
Nor do they rust
But bind so tight, I think
They will turn me to dust
So strong are these chains
That remain so silent
Checking my pain,
And curtailing my violence
Quiet are they among my mind's fray,
So that unwilling ears may listen -
A focus made sharper each day
By their rough metal friction
Fortunate I believe I am,
As regrets and thoughts surround
Grateful, though damned
Sins linked by lengths wound
And so it goes, this lifelong sentence
My due for deeds so dark
A fitting penance, no repentance,
Each elemental mark
If life was my only chance,
No wonder I harbor this hate
Kept in line by a winding dance
I joined myself -
Bound to chains that don’t make a sound…
All I hear is my name on your lips.
Once said with love, now cursing the day
Your eyes were spellbound by my hips…
I’m tied up with ropes that no one can see….
I'm knotted in the ties that bind…
I’m tangled and strangled, I'll never be free…
Foolish hope keeps my heart confined….
Its an ugly, dark cycle we’ve entered into….
Bullets fly out of anger and spite.
Suspicions explode as jealousy corrodes;
One of us will pick a stupid fight….
You say something dumb, I jump your shit…
Blind fury is bigger than the crime…
All the bad feelings we try to hold in
Will burst free, it’s just a matter of time.
Insecurity sucks, I’m sad and I’m scared…
There’s been so much hurt for so long….
I love you, I hate you, I need you, I fear you…
I don’t know how it all went so wrong.
I’m a mess of emotion, I'm up and I'm down;
You’ve never been safe or trustworthy.
You saved my soul from a wretched dark hole;
Then you stomped on my love without mercy.
We're too much alike; our demons are friends.
Our brains have the same broken parts.
We lash out or turn all the anger within
When driven by emotions of the heart.
I'm shackled to the memory of your love
You're gone but I can't let you go.
I'm bound by my own fears and regrets,
I'm bound by my dreams for tomorrow.
Bound to chains that do not make slightest sound,
In love with you,
I was bound,
A slave to your will; your lust,
I was helpless on the ground,Screaming without a sound.
Trapped by empty words,
Silent chains like caged birds,
Vulnerable and weak,
Your promises were passwords,
Opening my heart again.
Tricked by innocent beauty of heavenly eyes,
To the devil I held out my heart,
Crushed by his hand; mended with lies,
Over and over again,
I never saw past his disguise,
The monster inside.
Until one day his mask fell,
I glimpsed the beast inside,
Piece by piece I unravelled his spell,
Silvered wings spread,
I rose to freedom outside my cell,Silent chains broken away.
Bound to chains that make
Not the slightest sound.
I languish in the prison
Of my knowing mind.
These chains, they're made
Of unfulfilled promises.
Contracts of secrets and lies.
And as they say,
A contract is binding.
A promise is forever.
Bound to chains
That keep me from screaming
The painful secrets
Seared into my mind.
They're suffocatingly tight
So I never speak
Truths that I know,
That everyone knows.
I'm held down with knives
Gleaming all around me.
Bound to chains
That seal me away
From the world.
A glass wall of silence
Separating us always.
I'll never make it out,
Until the world decides
It's okay to talk about it.
Maybe then we'll all
Escape these chains of silence.
Bound to chains
That do not make the slightest sound
To her love
To his fantasy
He craved her touch
No matter how much it burned
Her lips soft
He soon learned
They would not brake
Nor did he want them to
Those chains would still shake
As he screamed
But he loved that curve
It was sexier than it seemed
Son, Thou Art Loosed!
They neither cling nor clang
No, these chains -
A time ago vehement in solidarity
Of protest with me -
Now mock me in eerie repose
They have been suborned
Sellouts they are become
Slippery palms greased
By the hands of those
Who would see me ground to dust
Once shared my uproar
And for peace
The thunderous war-cry
Of my ancestors of eras past
Against the blighted, shifty faces
Of the man who would have me
Remain under heel
Whip in hand
Cracking darkling back to shatter
Once my comrades in the melee
Against the man
Now complicit in my systemic
Descent into unbroken bondage
On my journey to jubilee -
Or so I'd thought -
Are become orcs
Goading me, pelting me
In the tower of the man
Break these chains!
They've lost pathos
For the plight of the enslaved
Break these chains
To break the man!
They no longer
Cling nor clang.
My Chains are gone, I’ve been set free!
"For which I am suffering, bound with chains as a criminal, that don't make the slightest sound.
Yet the word of God is not bound!
“Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.
“The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him;
“if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us;
if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.”