Beholding on high from mountainous heap

of garbage emotion, I see subliminal messages

flash then fade away into a nothing mist -

no visible wounds or scars but bitter cold at heart.

Hollow memories burrow like deranged chiggers

with foul slivered eyes pulsing deprivation,

leaving jagged marks upon my soul in anguish weeds.

I remove your fierce mask and see your festered blisters

as I bleed out in sanguine rivers of life forgotten,

pulsing wounds of dwindling life force nourishment.

Churning waves of a screaming ocean of angst

witness my slow, tortured death, throbbing last gasp.

My tremor-sick brain twitches in the black crow of night, electrocuting my dreams with sinister images. Beyond mere insomnia, fear and failure linger like an unwanted guest, prying my eyeballs open with crowbar force. It eats every minute of every day, insatiable, like a lone maggot slowly consuming my flesh in a life-long dedication to decay.

"No...No...No..." they all say. "We don't want your work, we don't want your anguish, we don't want you." My festering-alive cadaver threatens to burst open and spill its steely rage. If only I could burn these pages without reducing them to ash.

If only these cubicle walls would collapse and squash my droning guts. Then my ghost could fly far away as the busy work drowns in my gushing blood. Maybe then they would remember me.

Maybe then I could sleep at night, if they would eat alongside the maggot, wolfing my flesh and blood and bone. But you wouldn't dare sample my acerbic skin, not even for a taste of the sweet, meaty innards. The white worm eats alone, steadfast in its quest for bone. 

The moonlight showed me

A different side of you,

And I gave you a spark.

In return,

I am presented with

Lead in my gut,

A knife in my back,

And burns on my heart.

But you decided that,

Somehow,

That wasn't enough,

So you lied

And added chains

That drag me into the darkness.

I am starving

And bleeding

And abused by strangers.

I can't stop it.

There are no handholds

On the slick walls of this

Pit you threw me in.

And now, you've run away,

Horrified that you

Destroyed the one person

You always wanted.

But as I lay in the filth,

Bleeding and wasting away,

I know that

You will spend

The rest of your life

Praying in secret

For forgiveness.

You watch

As I am rescued

And carefully

Glued back together

With love

From another man.

Lead in your gut

As he kisses me.

Knife in your back

As he marries me.

Burns on your heart

As I give him children.

But there will be

No chains from me

And no pit,

Because as I see you

Watching my happiness

From the other side of the fence,

I know that

Your happiness is found

In someone

You can never have.

Suffering mind, staggering mind

Here one minute, gone the next

To watch it play out

To see the torment

Oh Brother, where are you now?

You are alive

You are alive

I am here

Asking a higher power to take this.

You are alive

And know this, you don't suffer alone.

Tearing, ripping at my gut

Slashing while you're in a rut

Bleeding hopelessness and despair

But only when you are there

Run and hide and stab the space

You will never find a place

Aching, longing to be free

Just move along, right past me

Embedded in my very core

Your rotten, stinking words -NO MORE

Cancel all the private dates

Oozing dripping spitting hate

Nerves on fire

On the taut high wire

Dancing to the puppet strings

The torture that tomorrow brings

Pointed daggers in my skull

Your words are darts, my will is null

Tie that noose around my neck

And from there send me to heck

Demons eating in a rage

I think it's time to turn the page

Pounding, storming, jackknifed rage

Time for you to act your age

Disposable world I'm living in

You were my biggest sin

The wound you have will never stop bleeding

The truth is, in your heart, you still haven't stopped screaming

When it was made, you took it, and that part of you was gone

But you smiled instead, said no worries, and moved on

You thought it was better that way

Forgive and forget, as they say

The thing is, you're weaker now than you've ever been

You don't know that you've been worn quite this thin

The situation is critical, the stakes are high

But you wouldn't know - you've turned a blind eye

You chose to walk around like this, refused to dress this injury

Anytime someone's asked, you've shunned their inquiry

You've went about, let it fester, and stay raw

Instead of acknowledging, you chose to withdraw

You're okay, you think, and believe this ultimate lie

Which is why you gush lifeblood and never even know why

Excruciating agony

Laces through my heart.

Your words like barbs

Amplifying the force.

Your tongue is a weapon,

And my heart is the target,

Taking aim with precision

To shoot through my confidence.

But watch out for the recoil

For your words

May bite back at you,

Forcing you to feel as I do.

Weak,

Ashamed,

Suffering,

From the inside out.